Five years ago today, I crammed as much of my life as I
could into a tiny space. I left my career behind, distributed my possessions
out, and said goodbye to friends and family. I released financial security and
the culture I knew. IT'S BEEN FIVE YEARS!
I didn’t start this January 14th like I did the
January 14th of 2010, when I was squishing my life into a thrift
store suitcase.
I started this January 14th with a little boy in
his underwear curled in my lap for prayer, with a dance party, and with a new
school uniform.
After four years of letting him go, laying down my understanding,
expectations and interpretations of my Father’s whispered words to me,
something unbelievable has happened…
LIFA IS LIVING WITH ME THIS YEAR FOR SCHOOL!
AND I spent the
weekend moving out of the cottage and into a larger house on the base, thanks
to the help of my TTH family. We set up the most beautiful Spiderman room with
bedding and toys that have been stored in suitcases for a year and a half while
we’ve waited for enough space to unpack.
There was SO MUCH unpacking. The house we are building isn’t
finished yet, so this is just a temporary place, but I unpacked it all. I had
to make it feel like home. For years, I’ve had suitcases full of house stuff
stacked high and covered to make end tables and nightstands in the cottage. And
now we’re using actual furniture, and
we’ve unpacked those suitcases.
They were suitcases full of memories of people who’ve come
with bags full of love and of times when God spoke to me to plan for His
promises, not basing my decisions on my present circumstances.
It’s the beginning of
a new era.
A long time ago, God
told me to build a house. To make a home.
So I did. I just
didn’t have the walls or the roof or the rooms.
Or even a bathroom door. Important side-note: We currently
have TWO bathrooms, and they both
have DOORS.
It’s time to unpack,
to spread out, and to live like I’m Home.
Because if I can’t
live well, how can I love well?
If I’ve been given
space, how could I not thank Him by using it?
And if he’s never
belonged to a welcoming, safe and loving home, how will he know he belongs in
His Father’s house?
This isn’t the grand finale, or the happily ever after…
We haven’t finished our house. We don’t have a birth
certificate. I haven’t had time to paint my toenails in a month.
This is the end of
cramming life into suitcases and hyper self-consciousness about the way
stereotypes or my insecurities say I’m supposed to live.
I was made in the
image of the most generous Lover, an extravagant Father, and a secure Home.
I’ll look only at His face to see my reflection and how to live with the days
He has numbered for me.
The only thing that
could be worse than living like what the stories and stereotypes say about how people
who “sell out for Jesus” should live, would be if the people I came here to love
let their identities become what the stories and stereotypes say about the
impoverished, the sick and the orphaned.
There will be stretches and seasons ahead of letting go,
laying down, packing up, cramming in, and who knows what else.
But on this January 14th, I had a first day of
school banana split party; I tucked in the most exhausted basketball player
with skinned knees; and I plugged in a brand new freezer. (We are going to have ICE and SMOOTHIES and FROZEN THINGS!)
I’m still unpacking
His promises one by one in this unpacked temporary home.
I’m going to live all
the way, so HE can love all the way through me.
I’m going to make
space for banana splits, dance parties, and things that are very, very cold.
I’m going to open my
house, and spend myself on building His home.
Thank you family and friends for praying with me, crying
with me, encouraging me and loving me through every twist and turn of these
past five years. You’ve been His arms around me, and held my arms up more than
once. I’m inviting you in, further, more intimately, and more openly into this
next five years… this new era of unpacking, making space for more of His glory,
and being a full time mama. Please pray with me for His perspective, His
strength and that I steward what He’s entrusted me with wisdom and without
holding back.
And please stay tuned for a First Day of School video…
because it’s gonna be good.
