DID YOU HEAR THE BIG NEWS!?!
We are officially legal guardians of Lifa!
If you don’t know the back story, here’s the extra short
version: IT’S A MIRACLE.
If you do know the story, THANK YOU. You knowing our story is part of what writes it. We might not ever be able to communicate the impact and power of your
participation, prayers and financial/spiritual support, so just hear this:
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
When I picked Lifa up from school on Friday, I told him it
was an extra special day for our family. I re-explained guardianship and let
him slowly process it, Lifa-style. I explained that nothing really changes
for his daily life and asked if he had questions.
I told him he has always been protected, loved and cared
for. Now we have a piece of paper that says it’s our job to make sure he has
everything he needs for his mind, body and heart to become the warrior God made
him to be. Now we can protect him better than ever. If he breaks a warrior
bone, we can even take him to the hospital.
Now there’s a piece
of paper that says what we’ve always known: We are family. We belong together.
We have rights and responsibilities toward each other.
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| We went out for a special night and took this first legal family photo together. These are the best guys on the planet. And handsome! |
Silence from the backseat… brain churching…nail gnawing…
“Lifa, stop biting your nails!”
“How do you always
know when I’m biting my nails!?!”
“Mom powers. They’re
even stronger now that we have guardianship.”
Finally, he says, “Mom, can other people still take care of
me now that we have guardianship?” He specifically asks about the pastors that
watch over him when he visits his biological father’s house.
I realize that this idea of defined family feels very safe
in one culture and very uncertain in another. Drawing boundaries of protection
and provision in the Ladd household is very different from drawing them in the
township where his father lives.
We have written our identity on the wall, and we discuss it
at dinnertime. Over the years, we have begun rewriting the anxiety-fueling
chaos from Lifa’s past with clear order and well-defined roles. We teach him
regularly about a mom’s job, a dad’s job and a kid’s job.
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| Our Ladd Family banner that hangs in our dining room. |
“The kid’s job is to listen to their parents, play and learn.”
Those lessons have not always come easy, especially when he
spent many foundational years forced to survive on his own when he wasn’t in my
home. But he’s gotten it.
He thrives in God’s
created order for family.
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| Mastering the kid's life: Bat ears, blanket, beach picnic |
We secretly celebrate the Lego’s in the living room while we
lecture him about cleaning up after himself. We see the victory in his
regression from a weathered, wounded heart to a goofy, bright-eyed boy who
insists on wearing a cape. We put on headphones when he plays the SAME upbeat
worship song over and over and over
again, spinning like a tornado and shouting about his new dance. (We have our
limits. We can’t be perfect.)
The differences between Lifa’s two cultures are vast. One
household is written with predictability, routine and a very defined identity.
Our name, purpose and values are written clearly on the wall.
Lifa’s father faces a generational disadvantage of not
having his name written on anything –
until we established co-guardianship with him for Lifa. Lifa’s father’s name
has never been written anywhere, not on a birth certificate, bank account or
school document. Without a name and a lineage to anchor yourself in, it’s impossible
to establish identity or bring chaos into order.
We have provided a home, furniture and connection to a
spiritual body for Lifa’s father. We have spared no expense to make sure his
name was written down on a family document, and that he would be included in
guardianship over Lifa. We provide parameters for order, and pray that he chooses it for himself. We pray he grafts himself into an eternal lineage and looks to the Father who spared no expense for his identity to be redeemed.
Lifa can’t understand these differences his father’s house
and ours, but he did ask if the pastors could take care of him while he was
with his dad. He knows what safety feels like, and it comes with stability,
foundation in Christ, and the protection of parents. It’s different than
cooking your own meals, managing your own 9-year old life, and fending for yourself.
As Lifa and I wrapped up our conversation about
guardianship, Lifa asked one more question. “Ok
Mom, I think I understand now. But there’s just one more thing… Will I always be born in 2007?”
That’s the cutest question I’ve ever heard.
I give him a resounding “YES,” and continue on with the
questions that follow. Yes, even in 2018
you will be born in 2007…
His charming little question stirred my heart. He may have been just doing math… He may have been
thinking about birthday cake… But I think he was responding to a stirring in
his 9-year old heart that knows his life is different now.
His identity changed when the chaos of
namelessness and insecurity were overcome. Jesus walked out of a tomb to
overcome it the first time, and we signed affidavits as the “Yes and Amen!” We are humbled and thankful to be counted worthy to be a Yes and Amen.
Yes, Lifa, your life
will always have started on December 29, 2007.
And, yes, everything
about it is different from this point forward.
You belong to a family
that loves you and will sacrifice everything for you.
You have a place and a
purpose in the order of our family, and we won’t compromise that for anything.
You listen. You play.
You learn. We will love each other and love you.
You set the table each
night. We will provide the meal.
We love you. We
believe in you.
We will guard you,
protect you and provide for you with all that we have and all that we are.
