Making a Mess Out of Making Sense

It was a rough night in the cottage, everyone. I’ve been more awake than asleep since 2am when Lifa’s nightmares started, complete with thrashing, screaming, kicking and the saddest SiSwati cries for help. Oh… and peeing right through the Pull-Ups. (We smell awesome.)

For months, I’ve been looking forward to my friends Mona, Lindsay and Anda coming for a two week visit. We all know that this trip is going to change them forever – God’s already been preparing their hearts and moving them toward His Kingdom.

And having people I know and love from that side of the world come to this side… people who I know and love come to know Lifa and see what life looks like here, means more to me than a blog could ever communicate. The power of the Body of Christ comes to life… coming to my daily life. Changes everything. The Kingdom expands and takes on hands, feet and hugs right before my very eyes. 

It’s the most beautiful gift… For everyone reading this and not on a plane to Africa right now, this is your formal invitation!

So… is perfection too much to ask after all this build-up and excitement?

Lifa and I are making the four-hour road trip to the capital city, Johannesburg, today to meet them at the airport, stay overnight and drive them home tomorrow. I wanted things to be perfect.

I was counting on Lifa to feel more adjusted (the last week has been amazing and nightmare-free!), the car to be clean, everything to already be packed and prepared, and the cottage to be in order.

Instead, nobody slept, the sheets need to be washed, nothing is packed, I’m not sure where my friends are sleeping yet, the cottage is a disaster and I’m not exactly sure how to get to Jo-burg yet. Oh… and did I mention that I just found a baby mouse in my kitchen sink, floating in a pot that was soaking overnight. (Yes, I just gagged and then posted it for you to do the same.) ToTo, we’re not in America anymore.

But Jesus, You are still perfect.

And You’ve been saying this year will be messy… the Kingdom of heaven meeting the kingdom of earth has been messy since the beginning.

My God is always sovereign.

Grace, salvation and perfect love came messy.

I’m stressed because my clothes aren’t folded and put away. Soldiers cast lots for Yours as though Calvary was a glorified, crucified garage sale.

I want everything to be perfectly done – to make sense.

But everything seemed undone and broken when You said, “It is finished.”

Experiencing You.

Knowing You.

Tasting You.

Touching You.

Communing with You.

Living with You.

All come with the most messy, beautiful grace – the kind that doesn’t make sense.

Curled up in a blanket in the chair in the corner of the cottage, I see little shoes and big shoes, stuffed animals, one pile of folded laundry and one that got danced on and then kicked over in a tantrum…. And the most perfect little boy who cries out “Mama” in the middle of the night while he sleeps.

Nothing I can see from here makes sense.

Living in Africa doesn’t make sense.

Spending over a thousand dollars to experience a few weeks in Africa doesn’t make sense.

A baby, rejected by an innkeeper, born to a virgin in a stack of hay to be heaven on earth and deliver the  most personal invitation to family in the history of humanity doesn’t make sense.

That same baby – the Son of Man – living 33 sinless years, being tortured, beaten and broken on a cross, the messiest and most public death, to atone for our messes and secure our seat at the most heavenly dinner table doesn’t make sense.

That same Son of Man living an upside down life by playing with the kids, hanging out with whores and rejects, and spending his last hours without nails in his hands by washing the feet of those who’d betray him and healing the ears of those carrying him away doesn’t make sense.

That same Upside Down Son of Man, dying a messy, dirty, brutal death that was celebrated and done, and then coming back for more. Overcoming the grave to come back and say that we’ve not only been made clean, but we’ve been made heirs – full rights as adopted, dearly loved, messy-made-righteous sons and daughters of the King of Kings doesn’t make sense.

So maybe… maaayyybeeee…

I’ll stop trying to clean up messes and making sense out of the small picture I have of God’s Kingdom. I’m sizing up a mess from my corner vantage point in the cottage and realizing I don’t even see a corner of the Kingdom and the most glorious restoration story God has for his children – for Lifa, Mona, Lindsay, Anda, me and for you.

Everything feels undone today.

Instead of trying to do what’s undone, I choose to worship the One who did it all already. And who exists in the mess, and makes it beautiful.

I trust You with my heart and with the hearts of all Your children. 

Jesus, undo me, Mona, Lindsay and Anda. Set our hearts on the Kingdom rather than perfection. Show us how You see beauty and let us feel Your heart in the messes. More of Your presence and less of our humanity.

Come with us today. Do the things that need to be done and let us find you in what’s left undone. Thank you for loving me when I’m so messy that I’m frantically trying to clean. Thank you for making a place for me in your beautifully mess grace.

Your Kingdom Come, Your Will be Done.

Believing in What's Bigger and Better

We prayed. We fasted. We came together in the name of family.

We believed BIG things for the Kingdom of God, for Lifa and for me.

The “WE” part made everything better. The “WE” praying from opposite ends of world, sending us off in prayer from base, and in a truck with me for 8 hours today. WE interceded and asked for more from God than we could expect or understand.

Well…

You know how HE is…

BIGGER AND BETTER than that!

I was floored, delighted and overwhelmed by His presence and provision on the 4-hour car ride to meet Lifa’s father.
I was beside myself when we picked him up from work… he looks like Lifa. I could almost feel Lifa by being in such close proximity to his lineage. This was a big deal! I was trembling. I wanted to stare. To touch him. To hug him. Instead, to be culturally appropriate, I avoided eye contact and made “I’m-About-To-Explode!!!” faces to my friend Mzwandile on my other side.

Ready for the bigger and better part!?!

ARE YOU!?!

LIFA WAS THERE!!!!!

I had put every ounce of effort I had in me assuring myself that today was not the day I would see Lifa. His father said that he was staying at a granny’s house far from him, so we were just going to meet and start relationship with the dad.

HE WAS THERE!

I ran! I bawled. Right there in the middle of the crowd.
Lifa was calm, quiet, shell-shocked. After four months of transitions and four months of not being oogled over and kissed at every waking moment, he’s not as expressive or “sparkly-eyed” as he was before I left for the States in December.

His come-back won’t take long though!

I couldn’t control the tears or the love that came pouring out of me. Everyone in the room felt it. Especially Lifa, who clung to me speechlessly, and his father, who kept a delighted eye on us – noticing the way Lifa looked at me.

I shared my Lifa books – and the father had to cover his face to hide his own emotions. As I shared gifts, clothes, food and hugs, Pastor Sthembiso shared my heart for Lifa to Lifa’s father in SiSwati.

You prayed it into existence. Lifa’s father, Jobulani, felt so loved that we made the drive to see him and Lifa. He was overwhelmed by gratitude. He and Lifa have lived a swinging door lifestyle since Lifa was abandoned by his mother at 7 months, always moving in and out of new houses and new communities. The roots he could feel in our love meant something bigger to him. The roots spoke family. Your prayers were heard.

Today I hit every emotion on the charts… and was so very loved by the family all around me here as they allowed me to cry and hurt when I had to say goodbye and then celebrated with me when I was ready to cheer.

But even more important than my emotional Ricther Scale is the significance in today. 
Providence and promises came alive today. 
Your words brought to life by His Spirit. Thank you, family.



Lifa’s father is going to talk to his extended family for approval, and then we are praying that Lifa can come stay with me for a few days after Easter.

When Pastor shared my heart for Lifa, he told Lifa’s father that I was willing and would be honored to care for Lifa in my home.

We put it out there.

And we’ll pray.

We’ll pray that God keeps doing that Bigger and Better thing He’s so good at. And family love gets bigger and better for Jobulani, starting at the roots rather than the fruit. We’ll pray that Jobulani and I both see the most loving thing for Lifa and for himself and can take an obedient role in God’s Bigger and Better plans.

I touched him. I kissed him. I loved on him. I had a lap full of him. TODAY.
It’s surreal. It’s bigger and better than anything I could have imagined.


I believe in the Bigger and Better, and can’t wait to see what’s next!

Sleepless in South Africa... We're back.

I’m back in Africa!

I’ve never been so happy to be here in my perfect cottage, set right in the middle of my African family, their homes and the Ten Thousand Homes base. 

It’s never felt so good – or  been so exciting! - to ride down that bumpy dirt road on Plot 177, Plaston Road.

Thank you for your prayers as we traveled back. Carly B and I arrived safely (and slightly delirious) after two days of traveling. We felt your prayers and God’s provision all the way. We even had the row to ourselves on both flights!

And not to worry everyone – Carly B is already getting the full picture of life in South Africa. And I’m having my first “Welcome Home” experience here.

Let’s paint a picture, shall we? Please, get another cup of coffee… or whatever it is you’re drinking. You’re going to love this.

Keri Dodge and Lynn picked us up from the airport, we loaded up our 2 bajillion pounds of luggage, stocked up on water and electrolytes and headed out for the breathtakingly beautiful four-hour road trip.

I think this picture-painting will switch to a list format so we can have a numerical account of life as we know it… back in Africa!

1. We pulled into the driveway to find the ultimate welcome – Carla Shaw demonstrating the body roll. Nothing says welcome home like the body roll.

2. HUGS all around… and those beautiful Price children to kiss and kiss and kiss!

3. Cottage time! Carly B opens the door to find a “Welcome Home Carly B” sign posted and I’m dancing around when I see that Zach installed my new ceiling fan while I was gone.

4. Then…. Cue dramatic music.

5. We find out that the fridge got turned off somehow during the last two months and my condiment and butter supply turned into a mold farm.

6. This is about when the gagging started.

7. And then we hear the story of the dead mouse. But don’t worry, he didn’t die from starvation.

8. We decide to bypass the smell of mold and dead rodent for ladies night at Lynn’s house. After all, it’s rude to miss ladies night. And there are TWO new families living on base since I left. New ladies to get to know.

9. A home-cooked meal, good laughs, tasty snacks and delicious muffins with incredible ladies under the perfect starry night. Ahhh, redemption.

10. And, oh yeah, we had to show Lindsey the body roll.

11. After all the excitement, the sleepy travelers needed ni-night time… Alas! We’ve locked ourselves out of Lynn’s! We won’t go into details, but there was one Carly B leg and one Carla Shaw leg sticking through burglar bars… and a Keri Dodge climbing a balcony. We’re dealing with large rocky surfaces and moonlight only, people. Carla keeps finding new bruises and Carly B chipped her bright orange toenail polish. Life’s not always as glamorous as you might think here.

12. After one more forgetting-my-keys incident, we make it home safe and sound and are more than ready for a good-ish, jet-laggish night of sleep.

And now we’re in the present-tense… Day 1 in Africa.

Forgive me for not blogging instantly upon arrival, but maybe we should just start another list to fill you in on what today was like.

1. We “slept in”. (You can’t really sleep in here.)

2. Carly B puts on my paint pants and I’m still in the clothes I slept in… it’s go-time.

3. Refrigerator mold. Rat poop. Here we come!

4. Bonus round: a new ninja frog family.

5. There was girly screaming, giggling and a lot of sweaty cleaning.

6. Welcome to Africa, Carly B!
7. The highlights of the day, believe it or not, were not the frogs or the excessive bleaching (if I wasn’t white before, I am now!). It was the visitors!

8. We had visitors all throughout the day, catching us up on life, giving hugs and kisses (those were mostly from the small children), and helping us with some of the more rancid projects.

9. I might have gone to crazy-town once or twice.

10. But it felt like family.

So… there you have it. A look at a homecoming and an initiation. We’re not holding anything back! Carly B just finished an erratically-tempered shower and we’re ready to make dinner in my deeply-cleaned kitchen.

Please keep praying as I adjust back to my normal. Back to daily life. Back to home.

Although some of the parts feel so right, there are so many new and different parts. New families on base. New parts of me that I experienced through God and you while in the States. A new roommate (for a month) in the cottage. New teams coming next week. And a new year with new plans God has set in place already – plans for family, plans for Lifa and plans for speaking out His Truth and Promises.

I need your prayers. And I’m delighted to share everything from the day’s play-by-play to the deepest ways God is stirring in me and in Africa as we join together as family to bring the Kingdom to earth… Home on earth.

Thanks for being part of my Home on earth.

I love you and Welcome Home!

Happy Africa Day!!!

Homeward Bound!

I'm sitting on the floor of Intercontinental Airport in Houston with Carly B, counting down the minutes until Flight EK212 takes off! (94 minutes)

Look how excited we are!

We will leave Houston at 6:25pm for a 14 hour 40 minute flight to Dubai. We'll arrive around 9am Houston time. 

We have a layover in Dubai and will leave Dubai at 4:40am Dubai time/6:40pm Tuesday Houston time for an 8 hour 10 minute flight to Joburg, South Africa. 

We will arrive in South Africa at 10:50am South African time/2:50am Wednesday morning Houston time.

We'll be cross-eyed (I speak for myself) and ready to hug Keri Dodge who is picking us up to take us HOME to Ten Thousand Homes!

Please pray for us as we travel. 

Pray for health, safety and that ALL of our luggage makes it safely!

Updates to come! And.. I miss you already!

Journey Through the Knowns and Unknowns

I’ve been on an indescribable journey in the past two months…

Hopping hemispheres, crossing causeways, passing through peninsulas, sharing stories, and moments and meals with the most meaningful people.

The journey has been more than miles, more than meals, and more than any measure of alliteration could suffice for. I’ve shared my story over and over again, and have been surprised almost every time I open my mouth and hear God put HIS two cents in.

This week I am on a personal retreat- exchanging the speed of American life for island time. Just like last year, Shelley at the Hilton Galveston Island Resort gave me grace, a great deal and a warm welcome to stay for two nights right here on the seawall to take in the arctic breeze, salty scenery and rest in His inescapable beauty and presence on this island. She even remembered me and let me bring out all the Lifa pictures she could stand! (He’s invited next year.)

Yes. King-sized. You don't even have to get up to see the Gulf.

Pretty sure He picked these for me.

Monday evening, I’ll be settling down into seat K21 and starting a two-day journey back to Africa! FIVE DAYS TO GO!!! (but who’s counting?)

This time I’m going with a different perspective.

This time I’m going home.

This time I’m saying goodbye to my family and my friends to go back to my family and my friends.

This time I’m leaving my church home to go back to my church home.

This time I’m not making small talk on an airplane with strangers as we set out for a 5-month mission trip together (love you Bekah and Brittany!) but am going back home with Carly B, a part of my everyday life, whether we’re on the same continent or not.

In some ways it’s going to be more comfortable. Fewer uncertainties about details, faces and culture.

In some ways, it’s going to be so much more uncomfortable. The kind of uncomfortable that comes with walking in the Kingdom culture as you weave in and out of earthly cultures. The kind of uncomfortable that comes with knowing that God’s got a lot to say in the unknown… and embracing unknowing in a run-and-jump-with-two-feet kind of way that trusts He’s handling the landing. Like not flinching on the trust fall.

I’m saying a more permanent goodbye to the details, faces and culture that shaped me. I’m saying ok to God guiding me in the unknown now that, after one of my least graceful years yet, I’ve come to terms with some of the basic knowns:

I know where I’m supposed to live for now.

I know some of the basics in how to maneuver through life in South Africa.

I know that a little boy named Lifa is family.

I know that I get to have a voice about family in Lifa’s community, Mbonisweni.

I know that God has a big plan that He’s inviting me to be a part of, if I stop trying to figure out all the little “knowns” and let him be the Known in the unknowns.

Letting God do the big picture and the details, while living in a foreign country and being surrounded by nothing that really ever makes sense comes with feeling blind… or at least like I have tunnel vision. (Ok, so I do.)

But He, the Known, reminded me on this retreat about all the “known” encounters I’ve had with Him and that’s He’s never forsaken me. 

In fact, in every event and encounter, He only shows me He knows me more. 

See....

He gave me sweet time with the most important 7 year-old in my life to remind me that I'm known beyond age and time zones. 

Extra special bonding with my best friend, Morgan. We got to watch each other do our thing and have a unique ministry experience together.

Revisiting a very special school, an incredible group of kids and remembering stories of hope and restoration.

So many perfect coffee shop moments in the perfect chairs.

A happy NaNa!

Walking through Seattle with women from all walks of life. Who know me wherever I am.

Sweet cups of tea with sweet conversation.

And perfect story when I just needed a break from life.

Family time with the my best friends, whose new community welcomed me in as family.

Ferry rides. Beach time. It's where me and Jesus meet. 

Persons, places and things... Oh My!

I'm Here! I'm Here!

I've been back in the States for a week now, spending time in California with my mom and friends from the two years I spent in LA while studying at Fuller Theological Seminary. It's been a perfect transition place before heading back to Texas... TOMORROW! (see pics below!)

I've hopped around from place to place and person to person since my arrival, surprised every time at the waves and degrees of feeling known that have washed over me in moments, memories, hugs and conversations. God truly has given me family so many times and in so many ways.

God truly has pieced my story together perfectly. 
Incredibly. Beautifully. Lovingly. Extravagantly.
And I want to be a part of His story in that same way. 
Incredibly. Beautifully. Lovingly. Extravagantly. 

Through visiting parts of my story, He spoke to parts of me I didn't even realize I needed to connect with. He inspired me and reminded me of the intricate ways He fashioned me.

For the next two months, I'll be revisiting the people and places that shaped my story. that encouraged, inspired and spoke into who I am. The adjectives, nouns and conjunctions of Christ's story in me.

My people and my moments matter so much to Him and to me. He's given me an undeserved favor in connecting my worlds and showing me how well and how deeply He knows me, even when I've tried to run in opposite directions.

My everyday nouns - my people, places and things - are on the other side of the world, in South Africa.

My daily life looks a lot different from everyone else's here, in America.

But it's all part of the same story. 

The Bible is a book of stories that all tell one big story: One of grace, salvation, adoption and love.

Jesus walked around with his friends telling stories with the same moral: We belong in the Kingdom of God, and it's worth all it costs.

My head and my heart are still swimming with jet lag, San Diego sand, woo woo coffee, the right side of the road and all of the people and places that have made a profound impact in my story - just in California alone!

But today I am clinging to my anchor and the deep-down understanding that we were all created to be His most delighting and perfectly-chosen nouns, adjectives and conjunctions into the Greatest Love Story. 

I am overwhelmed and confident in the belief that I've been given such a gift and unique opportunity...

It's conjunction time, people!

I want to tell YOU all about my nouns. YOU who have shaped, inspired me and YOU who will.

We've all been invited into the same Big Story. The same family.
All of us. All around the world. It's time to connect the dots... to connect the parts of His story and get the whole family around the dinner table together.

I want to be a conjunction for the nouns in South Africa who've become my family to those of you who taught and are teaching me family in the States. I'm amazed at how well you do family already, and can't wait to see it happen around the world, all together.

I'm celebrating all the parts of my story coming together for the next two months. And awaiting the day we all come together for the biggest, Most Glorious Story.

Your Kingdom Come, Lord... 

The parentheses: 
(To work out details on story-swapping, hugging or joining in this story through becoming part of my support team, please email me at kacychaffin@gmail.com. I CAN'T WAIT!)

A few of the memories and moments I've experienced this week....

Rosa! I'm home! Gimme a kiss!

My first new friend turned out to be a South African pastor coming to visit Fuller! He gave the best hug ever.

What else would you do when you've been on a plane for two days?

Reunited with Lily!

Santa Monica Ferris Wheel - I've missed this beautiful scenery!

Back at Fuller. The view of campus from the library with Drea. 

Local coffee shops. My personal little piece of heaven.

Honneeyyyy, I'm....

...sitting on the floor in the Joburg airport. 

I'm READY!

We won't talk about saying goodbye to Lifa, my Mbonisweni family or my Ten Thousand Homes family on base right now.

Let's talk about Ricky Ricardo... k?

He's famous for it....
"Honeeyyyy, I'm hoooomme....."

It wasn't the comfy couch, the kitchen table or that twin bed next to Lucy's he was so happy to come home to at the end of the day. It was Lucy. His person. His family.

I'm feeling a thousand different emotions in the comings, goings, reflections, celebrations, and hugs.

I'm remembering a prayer I prayed desperately 6 months ago when I decided to join staff at Ten Thousand Homes: "Lord, please give me something to miss when I go visit the States for Christmas. Please make me feel home in South Africa, at least a little. I don't know if I can do this."

How faithful my God is! 

I had a perfect week of thankfulness, family and goodbyes. The Thanksgiving Splits from my last post... still going strong. Maybe even stronger.

I feel like I have Lucy's all over the world.

My definition of home has nothing to do with an address. It has everything to do with family, being known and being loved so well by you.

I'm thrilled to come home to you! Only 36 hours away from hugging my mom for the first time in a year!

I will be with my mom in California December 1st - 9th.
Then I'm flying to Texas for the rest of the holidays! I will be there December 9th - February 7th.
Please pray for me as I do the splits on another hemisphere, adjust back to American culture, miss my Lifa terribly and share stories I believe I was created to share to extend the Family of God.
I would also like your prayers as I build a support team to join me prayerfully and financially with my work with families and orphaned and vulnerable children in South Africa. If you are interested in learning more, please contact me at kacychaffin@gmail.com. I'd love to share what's on my heart!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for always praying with me and for loving me so well. I can't wait to see you!

Sunsets. Coffee. Praying Out Loud.

It’s amazing… the ways you love me are amazing. Undeserved, undoubtedly. And absolutely amazing.


I have no idea what to do with it. No idea how to process it. How to receive it. But I know you died for it. So how could I not choose to accept it and give it away? How could I not drink in all I can stand and then some until it overflows out of every part of me?

How do I receive it, Lord? I don’t know how to feel it all the way through. It’s like it’s too much so I just shut it down and refuse. What do I say?

And why is it so hard to believe that others are in this as much – even more – than me? That they are here in this with me? Is it pride? Isolating? Doubting their character? Doubting Your sovereignty? Any of those labels make me feel ashamed and sick.

Help me. Forgive me for trying to live independently. I’m trying to operate as my own entity, and, in order to do that effectively, convince myself that no one really cares.

God, I failed you. And you’re the kind of God that, even when I fail you, you love for me to come to you and ask for more. More grace. More Truth. More You. Lavish me with it, King.

Awaken in me what’s dead. Turn on in me what I’ve turned off. Tear down the protective bumpers I’ve built up. Jesus, make my heart look more like Yours.

Show me compassion and Kingdom in a newer, deeper, purer form, Lord. Give me wisdom, understanding and a Christ-like hope and love in Your children. Father, write on my heart permanently that you’ve set eternity in the heart of every child. You’ve created us all with purpose and passion. You wired us all to be a part of a family. No exception – only circumstances that stand no chance when coming up to bat with the power and the love of the Kingdom of God.

Jesus, I believe in you. I believe that you came here – and walked on this earth closer to where I live now than where I’ve ever lived before – fully God and fully man. I believe you touched and healed. I believe you loved and transformed. I believe you died and saved. I believe you came back to life and changed everything.

And that is why I believe that, despite the countless times I turn away… daily... despite the times I choose independence or fear to follow… You’re still here, touching, healing, loving, transforming, dying, saving, living, changing.

An endless grace I can’t escape.

Jesus, I believe in the healing and transformative loving authority you have over my life. Come invade me and wreck me for your Kingdom and your orphan crisis now. Unlock the parts of me – the love and giftings – I’ve locked up.

And thank you for starting to answer this prayer before I even prayed it. Thank you for sending BACC here to embarrass me with unconditional, overflowing love that showed me how much room there is for more of You.
Amen.

Thank You BACC, for sending faithful workers to give an overflow of love. Thank you for filling them up to the brim and sending them to serve missionaries, workers and orphans. They truly changed the world… starting with me.

Jesus, thank you for a pastor who came to serve. Thank you for the ways you transformed this place because of Steven’s presence and for the ways you broke him at the same time. I pray for a nurturing and fostering of the vision you’ve embedded in him. I pray that he steps into the calling on him right now- a unique authority to lead and transform from brokenness.

Jesus, thank you for Alyssa, a follower who leads and whose bleeding heart doesn’t stop her from missing even one moment. Walk with her in daily life as she is forced back into a world that will feel the same as before she left, even though nothing feels the same in her now. Give her people. Give her Your voice. Give her a peace in belonging in the Kingdom because peace in walking through daily life like nothing changed is impossible now. Begin to speak to her today about the plans you have for her. Rain over her Truth about what an important part of this Kingdom she it.

Jesus, thank you for TJ – a young man who exemplifies Your creativity and free love. Thank you for bringing an extra-powerful, heart-felt and genuine love to Africa through him. I believe You’re going to start peeling away layers, pulling out Truth and working deeply in his heart as he returns. I pray that he stays open and eager for more of who you are.

Jesus, thank you for Kendall, a young lady who embodies grace, faithfulness and trust. Those may be the exact things she keeps herself from experiencing some days, and I pray that you undo all the doing she does to not let your love in. Thank you, Jesus, for every single part of her story and who she is. She has the authority to – and already has- changed the world. Write into her heart permanently the ways You see her, love her and want even more of her.

Jesus, thank you for one of the most genuinely compassionate and servant-hearted people I’ve ever met. Thank you for Tyler. It almost doesn’t make sense how such a young man, first mission trip, first plane ride, can tilt the axis we’re existing on by the authenticity he brings in. He’s going back to be better – to live abundantly in You – to make Your Kingdom better. Show him how and don’t let him forget.

Jesus, thank you for Carly B. Thank you for giving me a person. Thank you for the ways she loves – and can’t stop loving. It just flows out of her with a freedom that only You could have given her. Her capacity to love is unmatchable and impossible without Your love. Surround her with Kingdom-people to help her understand her place now. Give extra love, extra grace, and extra moments to her as her heart’s been ripped open with the compassion Jesus walked in. Bless her creativity, servant-heart and gifts ten-fold, Lord. The dreams she can’t stop dreaming… one-hundred-fold, Lord.

One Year Ago

One year ago, I was sitting on my very own secret patch of beach on the hurricane-torn island of Galveston.


One year ago, He spoke. Words and pictures. The whole shebang.

From that rainbow-striped beach chair, with my feet buried in the sand, Jesus gave me a direction and a plan for the passions He’d vested in me for the past years: Homes, Orphans and His workers going to the harvest for His Kingdom (Luke 10:2)

After many more beach dates, seeking prayer and counsel, I had an appointment with my pastor, Steven Yoes at Bay Area Community Church. I hadn’t even been a member of the church for a year and I think I’d only had one conversation with Pastor Steven at this point.

Nervously, I stuttered and stammered my beach vision to Pastor Steven:

I was going to Africa. I was going to press into His heart for homes and orphans there. I was going to do that with Ten Thousand Homes. But I would not go alone. Bay Area Community Church was as big a part of this vision as anything else, and I would not go if they weren’t standing with me and coming alongside me….

…He hasn’t spoken yet…. Shifting uncomfortably in my chair…. There’s more to say…

…And I needed to know they’d go with me and they’d know me through this process. I want you and every member of this church to pray for me weekly, to talk about me in church, to commit to reading and sharing stories about my blog…

…AND… I need your financial support…

…AND… I think that, beyond, the money we need to raise for my trip, we should raise another $3,000 to build a home for orphaned children…

…AND….Then I want you to come to Africa to get your hands dirty and do the Kingdom work.

I told Pastor Steven that I believed that God wanted to turn the body of BACC toward the Kingdom of God together and would use this mission to Africa, this movement, to do so.

He was on board!

I have no doubt the Holy Spirit was moving in that office as Pastor Steven didn’t for one moment doubt what I had said and began brainstorming with me right then and there on ways to spread the word to the church.

From that moment, there are a hundred miracle stories. The prayers and provision from life groups. A breakfast meeting with Seth. Unending creativity and support from Nicci. Lots of coffee with Rhonda. An art award from Anda. A home from the Boldens. Tears from Ms. Armstead. A late night with Sister, Lindsey, Stephanie and Tony Sassi. And a movement of support and fundraising I can’t even put words to from LDub, Ashley and Bud… Just to mention a few.

The movement took off running. God used people and moved mountains in ways that showed me this wasn’t about me at all, but about His Kingdom and His heart. This was going to be so much bigger than me or anything I could contribute. God was giving me a front seat in the ride of a lifetime; the Creator was inviting me to co-create with Him by giving people a voice and a space to participate in His Kingdom.

And now… RIGHT NOW… Pastor Steven and a team of 5 others from Bay Area Community Church are on a plane. They land in South Africa in 11 hours.

It’s surreal to me. A dream, a vision, God’s plan is really happening. Maybe all the surprise and emotion I’m experiencing this morning reveal the moments of tremendous fear and doubt I’ve had in this process. The times when I was afraid I had heard from God wrong or that it was selfish to think people would really want to come… you know, because of course they were coming to see me. :) But this morning I’m celebrating Him and recommitting to jump into His guiding with 2 feet and trust that He’ll take care of the landing.

As they travel toward the adventure of a lifetime, I’m taking time to reflect on how BIG my God is – His plans so intricately woven together that we can never see or understand them all. But we don’t have to. The BACC team coming is a reminder of God’s faithfulness and provision in my life. The movement He created reminds me that all of our hearts are set for eternity; we all need to believe and live for something bigger than ourselves.

I thought I would be leaving to return with the States with this team, but now I’m welcoming them to visit me in my new home. I

Pray for Steven, Carly, Alyssa, Kendall, Tyler and TJ. Pray that they will be ruined for the Kingdom of God, and He will show them ways to be a part of this movement. Pray that the ways they are transformed here transforms the body of BACC, and that this will be just the beginning of BACC coming to the harvest and joining in this movement.

Culture Crash

This past week, the country celebrated Nelson Mandela’s 92nd birthday. There is a national holiday for the man who created a bend in the story of South Africa’s history and represents the reconciliation and celebration of cultures, declaring South Africa a “Rainbow Nation” during his presidency. The national anthem is sang in 5 of the 11 national languages. There are countless culture groups, each with their own languages, foods, and social norms.

This past weekend, I attended an Afrikaans church, where I knew the words to the worship and the atmosphere was pleasant and polite. We took communion together, the children were dismissed for Sunday School, and the format was similar to American churches I’ve attended. After church, I was invited to lunch with a couple from the church – in a gated community of gorgeous brick houses on a golf course. We were ushered in with amazing hospitality and love, and served an incredible feast of chicken, steak, potatoes, carrots, bread, salad, juice and even 2 kinds of cake with custard for dessert!

This week I’ll go to a Swati church in Mbonisweni, where the women and children sit on one side and the men on the other and there are no instruments for the worship sang mostly in siSwati. A new member leads church every week, the children snack, sleep and wander about freely, and guests are invited up to share testimonies. There are spontaneous songs throughout, and you can always count on dancing wherever Stanley and Lennon are sitting. You bring your own toilet paper in case you need to use the squatty potty outside and, when you finally hug the children goodbye at 1pm, you hope they have pap and beans to go home to.

And then there’s the spiritual and relational community on the Ten Thousand Homes base where I live, with its own, largely American culture. Everyone comes to morning prayer with a cup of coffee in hand, and we talk about love languages at least once a week.

South Africa is both a 1st and a 3rd world country. And I’m trying to live somewhere in between – I think.

I have no idea where/what to call my home church here. I say “no” in Afrikaans and “yes” in siSwati. I’m finding that the more I experience, the more cultural confusion I enter.

Since joining staff and committing to be in South Africa for at least 2 years, I’ve realized that if I’m not intentionally and continuously aware of what’s happening around me, I could drown in this ocean of cultures.

Being intentional.

I want to look for the good in each culture and celebrate it. I want to experience another facet of Christ’s uncontainable character amongst every person and every people group.

I don’t want to get washed away by a tidal wave of norms and expectations.

I want to learn, to see, to hear, and to choose to live out of a Kingdom culture anyway. Sometimes I feel undeservedly privileged to live amongst such diversity and getting to glean more Kingdom experiences by living alongside other cultures. But, honestly, most of the time, I’m overwhelmed and just feel out of place wherever I am.

I think that’s ok. Because I don’t think I’m supposed to “fit in” anywhere on earth. But, dang, it can get uncomfortable. Even lonely in the times when I’m desperate to feel like I “fit” somewhere.

God’s been teaching me that there’s a “new” kind of comfortable. It’s being comfortable in my Home in Him rather than trying to get comfy on the couch of whatever culture I’m living in.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort… For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3,5

That kind of comfortable is WAY better… it’s the eternal kind that never disappoints. But, truthfully, I’m struggling to rest in that.

Please pray with me that I keep working for, that I choose daily and that I will believe all the way through me that my Home is the Kingdom and that’s the culture I belong in. It doesn’t matter what language I speak or what my love language is there; I just belong.

It’s almost hard for me to write this part because of how uncomfortable it is, but I hope you experience that “misfit” longing for something beyond the culture around you, too. I hope that longing leads to a new wave and passion of intentionality in your life. I hope your insides start crying out for eternity and that we can strengthen and encourage each other for the culture where we all belong, where we are all perfectly loved, and where the social norms don’t necessarily align with any culture on earth, but relationships develop to depths we’ve never known before.

“Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile, we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5:1-4

Candle Light-Up-My-Life

A tiny mud house. A candle to light the night. An entire soccer team in the front yard. And a dream built on hope, love and family.

Last weekend Keri and I went to Swaziland, where I met Petros and his wife Elisabeth for the first time. We visited their home twice while we were there. Up the mountain, down the dirt road, climb over the barbed wire until you see the small patch of Home in the community of Motjane.

Petros and Elisabeth live meagerly. They have very little for themselves and their children, yet they have spent the past years pouring into discipleship with YWAM Swazi and their local church.

They have 6 children, but have now taken on 7 more orphaned family members. Both Petros and Elisabeth have lost sisters recently and have welcomed their children into their home. They are now a family of 15, and their house is bursting at the seams. There’s not room for all of them inside, so a few of the boys sleep in a small hut outside.

We were welcomed in and served tea, bread and polony by one of the children who prayed over us before serving us. We chatted about the hardships, the blessings and the hope Petros and Elisabeth have.

My favorite part was when they invited all of the children into the small living room to sing for us – 13 kids in that tiny house beats movie theater surround sound any day!

I watched the children and the way both Petros and Elisabeth love them so tenderly. Over half of these kids are orphans. And there are 13 of them! If anyone should be lonely, hurting or broken, it should be them. Many times when I go to the feeding programs here with Ten Thousand Homes, children are desperate for touch and will wrap themselves around your or instantly fall asleep in your arms – or the other extreme, they’ll flinch when you reach out to touch them. Not these kids. You could tell in their walk, their talk, their interaction, and the way their family worked that these kids feel loved; they have hope; they are dreaming.

Petros can’t work for YWAM the way they have been for years anymore and he’s broken up about it. He doesn’t want to leave ministry, but he has to take care of these kids. There’s no one else.

Last weekend I got a first row seat to hearing God breath and vision into a cultural family obligation. It’s called the Road to Hope.

Petros and Elisabeth are not leaving ministry at all. They are starting at the roots. Their ministry, their harvest, is those 13 children who will grow up knowing who God is, knowing how much He loves them, and with a vision for their future.

They dream of building onto their house and using it as a base for The Road to Hope – a ministry focused on discipling families and raising children up to dream and have hope.

I just couldn’t believe the warmth and the overflowing passion and energy they had. Raising 13 children and wanting to do more. Can you imagine how long it takes to hand wash for 15 people!?! And the cooking! I get cranky when I have dish duty (with hot, running water!) too many days in a row or when the electricity goes out for a couple of hours.

Petros and Elisabeth give freely as they have been given freely. (Matthew 10:8) They don’t measure success in possessions or plans, but in love and hope.

Petros, Elisabeth and 10 of their 13 children

I’m praying this for myself and for you this week:

Wherever you are, let God breath vision there. Let us not become consumers of love, but givers of it. It’s time to stop counting and measuring. It’s time to see the darkness and shine the light there. Look for it – both the light and the darkness. Celebrate it when you find it, and bring it where you don’t.