Why We Love Wednesday

I loved today.

Today was not a processing day. It was a normal, wake up to the African sunrise, and do what I do day. (With an added bonus of Starbucks coffee my church brought!)
I loved today. Here's why:

Went to Mbonisweni Feeding Program...

....To hang out with my people.

How Can You RESIST that beet-root face?

My GoGo and Sister, Zodwa, surprised me with a plant! I couldn't handle all the love they poured all over me. GoGo doesn't speak English, but told me in three languages that she loved me as she held me close and gave me full details (in SiSwati) on how to care for the plant. The love that radiates out of that woman and the welcome I feel in her family helps me understand the way God loves. So profoundly and so simply.

With Lennon's help, got all the volunteers who spend the entire day cooking together. Shared with them how my church had been moved by the way they served. They don't just throw food together, but they spend a day preparing a feast. They create community. They create programs to disciple the children to feed them spiritually as well. Made special time to celebrate them and share a gift: Radio London tshirts! They loved them. "Hey. Y'all are representing MY people who know how to rock out now. Please get on stage and act like rock stars." I've never seen them move so fast!

My boys came looking for me. :) They are perfect.

And then... on the way home... I reflected on how thankful I am to live in Africa while we waited for the cows to cross the road.

Thanks for enjoying my day with me! Hope you make time to take in the scenery and see God all around you.

Sunday Mornings Will Never Be The Same

Last Sunday morning changed something deep inside me. I didn't see it coming.

There was something Kingdom-sized and something so right about having my two church homes worshiping together. Knowing each other.

They've heard stories about each other.

They've seen pictures of each other.

But, last Sunday, Bay Area Community Church came around the world and joined in the work the Evangelical Reform Church in Mbonisweni was already doing. They didn't come to "fix" it or change it. They came to participate.

Pastor Sthembiso and Pastor Steven

I didn't see it coming, but that union, that celebration, made me feel so known and so loved by God and by my Home people. At first I thought it was purely selfish delight. I needed people there to know me here. But, after a lot of processing, praying and a few good Skype calls, I'm starting to understand that the part about being known and feeling loved is the way we're wired.

We're designed to be in a family, working as the Body of Christ. We all need to be known ww are here we are and to know that we are all in this same world, living for the same Kingdom together.

My BACC family visiting my family in Mbonisweni. This may be what my personal Heaven looks like. I'm just sayin...

Something changed deep inside me last Sunday. I don't have it packaged up into deep, meaningful, bloggish words just yet, but it was something that gave me a glimpse at the intricate intimacy of God's soveriegn design. I thought it was just a selfish want, but it's a Kingdom need. He gives us gifts, delights and the same soul cravings... and, even when we can't see it, they all fit together.

When my worlds came together and my churches prayed together, something changed in me. This morning I was in church in Mbonisweni and Bay Area Community Church is starting to set-up in League City, TX... but I think something changed in all of us and we are still doing this together.

photos by Carly B

Sunsets. Coffee. Praying Out Loud.

It’s amazing… the ways you love me are amazing. Undeserved, undoubtedly. And absolutely amazing.


I have no idea what to do with it. No idea how to process it. How to receive it. But I know you died for it. So how could I not choose to accept it and give it away? How could I not drink in all I can stand and then some until it overflows out of every part of me?

How do I receive it, Lord? I don’t know how to feel it all the way through. It’s like it’s too much so I just shut it down and refuse. What do I say?

And why is it so hard to believe that others are in this as much – even more – than me? That they are here in this with me? Is it pride? Isolating? Doubting their character? Doubting Your sovereignty? Any of those labels make me feel ashamed and sick.

Help me. Forgive me for trying to live independently. I’m trying to operate as my own entity, and, in order to do that effectively, convince myself that no one really cares.

God, I failed you. And you’re the kind of God that, even when I fail you, you love for me to come to you and ask for more. More grace. More Truth. More You. Lavish me with it, King.

Awaken in me what’s dead. Turn on in me what I’ve turned off. Tear down the protective bumpers I’ve built up. Jesus, make my heart look more like Yours.

Show me compassion and Kingdom in a newer, deeper, purer form, Lord. Give me wisdom, understanding and a Christ-like hope and love in Your children. Father, write on my heart permanently that you’ve set eternity in the heart of every child. You’ve created us all with purpose and passion. You wired us all to be a part of a family. No exception – only circumstances that stand no chance when coming up to bat with the power and the love of the Kingdom of God.

Jesus, I believe in you. I believe that you came here – and walked on this earth closer to where I live now than where I’ve ever lived before – fully God and fully man. I believe you touched and healed. I believe you loved and transformed. I believe you died and saved. I believe you came back to life and changed everything.

And that is why I believe that, despite the countless times I turn away… daily... despite the times I choose independence or fear to follow… You’re still here, touching, healing, loving, transforming, dying, saving, living, changing.

An endless grace I can’t escape.

Jesus, I believe in the healing and transformative loving authority you have over my life. Come invade me and wreck me for your Kingdom and your orphan crisis now. Unlock the parts of me – the love and giftings – I’ve locked up.

And thank you for starting to answer this prayer before I even prayed it. Thank you for sending BACC here to embarrass me with unconditional, overflowing love that showed me how much room there is for more of You.
Amen.

Thank You BACC, for sending faithful workers to give an overflow of love. Thank you for filling them up to the brim and sending them to serve missionaries, workers and orphans. They truly changed the world… starting with me.

Jesus, thank you for a pastor who came to serve. Thank you for the ways you transformed this place because of Steven’s presence and for the ways you broke him at the same time. I pray for a nurturing and fostering of the vision you’ve embedded in him. I pray that he steps into the calling on him right now- a unique authority to lead and transform from brokenness.

Jesus, thank you for Alyssa, a follower who leads and whose bleeding heart doesn’t stop her from missing even one moment. Walk with her in daily life as she is forced back into a world that will feel the same as before she left, even though nothing feels the same in her now. Give her people. Give her Your voice. Give her a peace in belonging in the Kingdom because peace in walking through daily life like nothing changed is impossible now. Begin to speak to her today about the plans you have for her. Rain over her Truth about what an important part of this Kingdom she it.

Jesus, thank you for TJ – a young man who exemplifies Your creativity and free love. Thank you for bringing an extra-powerful, heart-felt and genuine love to Africa through him. I believe You’re going to start peeling away layers, pulling out Truth and working deeply in his heart as he returns. I pray that he stays open and eager for more of who you are.

Jesus, thank you for Kendall, a young lady who embodies grace, faithfulness and trust. Those may be the exact things she keeps herself from experiencing some days, and I pray that you undo all the doing she does to not let your love in. Thank you, Jesus, for every single part of her story and who she is. She has the authority to – and already has- changed the world. Write into her heart permanently the ways You see her, love her and want even more of her.

Jesus, thank you for one of the most genuinely compassionate and servant-hearted people I’ve ever met. Thank you for Tyler. It almost doesn’t make sense how such a young man, first mission trip, first plane ride, can tilt the axis we’re existing on by the authenticity he brings in. He’s going back to be better – to live abundantly in You – to make Your Kingdom better. Show him how and don’t let him forget.

Jesus, thank you for Carly B. Thank you for giving me a person. Thank you for the ways she loves – and can’t stop loving. It just flows out of her with a freedom that only You could have given her. Her capacity to love is unmatchable and impossible without Your love. Surround her with Kingdom-people to help her understand her place now. Give extra love, extra grace, and extra moments to her as her heart’s been ripped open with the compassion Jesus walked in. Bless her creativity, servant-heart and gifts ten-fold, Lord. The dreams she can’t stop dreaming… one-hundred-fold, Lord.

Posted from a puddle...

I’m a mess.


Warning: This one’s coming at you with no processing, no filter and through tear-soaked eyes.

I just said goodbye to TJ, Tyler, Kendall, Alyssa, Steven and Carly, the Bay Area Community Church short-term missions team. It was 10 days of God fulfilling promises, compassion flowing into every nook and cranny, hearts breaking for the least of these, and celebrating and being embraced by family.

There are so many memories. So many moments. And so much love I don’t even know how to take it all in. But, like I said, haven’t processed all of that yet, so right now there’s mostly tears and chocolate.

It felt like everything stopped as I watched the team roll out of our driveway – like everything should stop. But things kept going and I immediately had to switch focus to Lifa love at the Mbonisweni feeding and the Hodges house to eat Korean food with a visiting team tonight.

I don’t know what to say right now about what this past week and a half has been like, but I know it was more than I’ll ever know how to capture. It was God broadening my perspective until I was completely overwhelmed by the Body of Christ. It was remembering what it’s like to get a new and fresh glimpse of Jesus’ face. It was an incredibly powerful 10 days of my worlds colliding.

I didn’t even realized I felt like I was living in two realities.

Before and now.

Before I “pulled a Kacy” (coined by Kendall’s mom warning her not to get to Africa and decide to just stay) and now that I live in a new community, surrounded by new cultures.

For the first time, before met now.

Before experienced now. It made it real. It made me feel known. It made me feel loved. Their being here and choosing to take a couple of weeks away from comfort zones and taste a new reality changed my reality completely, writing something much more permanently in me than ever before: I’m not alone here.

In 10 days, He gave me a person. He gave me a restored sense of hope and home. He gave me more than I know what to do with right now.

My worlds colliding this past week and a half made the Body of Christ brighter and bolder. It changed something in me this week and something in them too, I think.

I like to end these things with something inspirational or profound. Got nothing but thankfulness and a gnawing to process a bit further to glean all the good stuff Jesus has for me after this.

Ok… one last thought. Then I promise I’ll try to spare you the details of the processing.

I’m sorry that, for many of you, I labeled you “before”. I realized this week that even by following this blog, you are the now. You are here with me, knowing me and loving me so well. Thank you for being in my now. I never realized how desperately I need you.

One Year Ago

One year ago, I was sitting on my very own secret patch of beach on the hurricane-torn island of Galveston.


One year ago, He spoke. Words and pictures. The whole shebang.

From that rainbow-striped beach chair, with my feet buried in the sand, Jesus gave me a direction and a plan for the passions He’d vested in me for the past years: Homes, Orphans and His workers going to the harvest for His Kingdom (Luke 10:2)

After many more beach dates, seeking prayer and counsel, I had an appointment with my pastor, Steven Yoes at Bay Area Community Church. I hadn’t even been a member of the church for a year and I think I’d only had one conversation with Pastor Steven at this point.

Nervously, I stuttered and stammered my beach vision to Pastor Steven:

I was going to Africa. I was going to press into His heart for homes and orphans there. I was going to do that with Ten Thousand Homes. But I would not go alone. Bay Area Community Church was as big a part of this vision as anything else, and I would not go if they weren’t standing with me and coming alongside me….

…He hasn’t spoken yet…. Shifting uncomfortably in my chair…. There’s more to say…

…And I needed to know they’d go with me and they’d know me through this process. I want you and every member of this church to pray for me weekly, to talk about me in church, to commit to reading and sharing stories about my blog…

…AND… I need your financial support…

…AND… I think that, beyond, the money we need to raise for my trip, we should raise another $3,000 to build a home for orphaned children…

…AND….Then I want you to come to Africa to get your hands dirty and do the Kingdom work.

I told Pastor Steven that I believed that God wanted to turn the body of BACC toward the Kingdom of God together and would use this mission to Africa, this movement, to do so.

He was on board!

I have no doubt the Holy Spirit was moving in that office as Pastor Steven didn’t for one moment doubt what I had said and began brainstorming with me right then and there on ways to spread the word to the church.

From that moment, there are a hundred miracle stories. The prayers and provision from life groups. A breakfast meeting with Seth. Unending creativity and support from Nicci. Lots of coffee with Rhonda. An art award from Anda. A home from the Boldens. Tears from Ms. Armstead. A late night with Sister, Lindsey, Stephanie and Tony Sassi. And a movement of support and fundraising I can’t even put words to from LDub, Ashley and Bud… Just to mention a few.

The movement took off running. God used people and moved mountains in ways that showed me this wasn’t about me at all, but about His Kingdom and His heart. This was going to be so much bigger than me or anything I could contribute. God was giving me a front seat in the ride of a lifetime; the Creator was inviting me to co-create with Him by giving people a voice and a space to participate in His Kingdom.

And now… RIGHT NOW… Pastor Steven and a team of 5 others from Bay Area Community Church are on a plane. They land in South Africa in 11 hours.

It’s surreal to me. A dream, a vision, God’s plan is really happening. Maybe all the surprise and emotion I’m experiencing this morning reveal the moments of tremendous fear and doubt I’ve had in this process. The times when I was afraid I had heard from God wrong or that it was selfish to think people would really want to come… you know, because of course they were coming to see me. :) But this morning I’m celebrating Him and recommitting to jump into His guiding with 2 feet and trust that He’ll take care of the landing.

As they travel toward the adventure of a lifetime, I’m taking time to reflect on how BIG my God is – His plans so intricately woven together that we can never see or understand them all. But we don’t have to. The BACC team coming is a reminder of God’s faithfulness and provision in my life. The movement He created reminds me that all of our hearts are set for eternity; we all need to believe and live for something bigger than ourselves.

I thought I would be leaving to return with the States with this team, but now I’m welcoming them to visit me in my new home. I

Pray for Steven, Carly, Alyssa, Kendall, Tyler and TJ. Pray that they will be ruined for the Kingdom of God, and He will show them ways to be a part of this movement. Pray that the ways they are transformed here transforms the body of BACC, and that this will be just the beginning of BACC coming to the harvest and joining in this movement.

Work What You're Workin' With

This week, a team from South Africa’s YWAM School of Performing Arts (SOPA) is visiting Ten Thousand Home for their outreach. They’ve spent 3 months learning, celebrating and practicing communicating the gospel through the arts. They’ve visited all three communities we’re working in here for feeding programs and church, and given an incredible gift of art, music, dance, drama and ministry with no words necessary.

We also have a couple here from Australia, John and Jenny, that have lived in Africa for 8 years, traveling around teaching and training in Family Ministry schools. I sat down with them, gushing, and basked in words I hadn’t heard or used in a long time: family systems, genograms, family structure, and so on and so on. I drank in their stories and adventures and spent time reflecting on the creativity and excitement I felt when working in that capacity.

After enjoying the creative gifts the SOPA team had to offer and sharing my hope and perspective on family ministry with John and Jenny, part of me felt sad, like I was experiencing a deep loss. I went to bad last night missing the creativity and thrill I felt walking through life with people in the counseling setting. It sounds dorky, I know. But, hey, I’ve embraced that part of me! I mean, come on, how can you say counseling with inflatable instruments, handmade trophies, wooden puppets, superhero capes and Aerosmith isn’t exciting?

This morning I woke up inspired to read more of the book, Creative Prayer by Chris Tiegreen that I bought at the bookstore here, specifically because it was on the clearance shelf for 15 Rand (less than $2US). Chapter 4 and my own time of prayer helped me gain some perspective.

”Biblical prayers begin with impressions, but they usually end with expressions, and at some point the inside and the outside are supposed to match. Visible, expressive prayer often integrates our body and soul and brings them together. If our prayers don’t involve our senses, they don’t involve the whole person. Since God never desires less than everything, give him your heart. Make it real. Or else forget about it.” – Creative Prayer

The first three months on staff (I’m about 1 ½ months into it), Ten Thousand Homes asks new staff to not commit to any specific “jobs” in the ministry, but to participate and learn the ins-and-outs. I have tremendous respect for that set-up, but have found it trying at times to know how to be “me” or unleash creativity when I’m in that go-with-the-flow learning process.

Then I realized this morning that I’ve been looking at it all the wrong way. (Perspective Check #2,059 in the life of Kacy Chaffin) I’ve been waiting on people or places to engage me, awaken all 5 of my senses or breathe life and excitement in to me, while not overstepping boundaries, etc, etc. But really, I have perfect opportunity for creativity and to be passionately interacting, where God has called me to be, right here and right now.

Just like you do where you are, right there and right now.

So, I’m committing this week to communicate creatively with God every day. This morning I stretched while I prayed and thought about the limitless ways to express myself to My Maker – through nature, through cards, through extending a hand or a gift to others, through offering, through secret dance parties…. I’m getting excited just writing about it!

You see, it’s not about making life good or exciting. It’s about being alive in how you were created. The SOPA team is practicing a new dance right now. Brittany is helping Lynn work on her blog. I’m holding a sleeping baby and writing to my beloved and incredibly loving Home people. I’m going to try to connect to God while using the gifts He gave me and see more ways to be alive in Him in whatever I’m doing. And I’m inviting you to join me this week in finding a new and creative way of connecting.

Heck, let’s get crazy this week. Leave a comment on my blog about a way you expressed yourself creatively to God.

Love you.

Go wild.

Culture Crash

This past week, the country celebrated Nelson Mandela’s 92nd birthday. There is a national holiday for the man who created a bend in the story of South Africa’s history and represents the reconciliation and celebration of cultures, declaring South Africa a “Rainbow Nation” during his presidency. The national anthem is sang in 5 of the 11 national languages. There are countless culture groups, each with their own languages, foods, and social norms.

This past weekend, I attended an Afrikaans church, where I knew the words to the worship and the atmosphere was pleasant and polite. We took communion together, the children were dismissed for Sunday School, and the format was similar to American churches I’ve attended. After church, I was invited to lunch with a couple from the church – in a gated community of gorgeous brick houses on a golf course. We were ushered in with amazing hospitality and love, and served an incredible feast of chicken, steak, potatoes, carrots, bread, salad, juice and even 2 kinds of cake with custard for dessert!

This week I’ll go to a Swati church in Mbonisweni, where the women and children sit on one side and the men on the other and there are no instruments for the worship sang mostly in siSwati. A new member leads church every week, the children snack, sleep and wander about freely, and guests are invited up to share testimonies. There are spontaneous songs throughout, and you can always count on dancing wherever Stanley and Lennon are sitting. You bring your own toilet paper in case you need to use the squatty potty outside and, when you finally hug the children goodbye at 1pm, you hope they have pap and beans to go home to.

And then there’s the spiritual and relational community on the Ten Thousand Homes base where I live, with its own, largely American culture. Everyone comes to morning prayer with a cup of coffee in hand, and we talk about love languages at least once a week.

South Africa is both a 1st and a 3rd world country. And I’m trying to live somewhere in between – I think.

I have no idea where/what to call my home church here. I say “no” in Afrikaans and “yes” in siSwati. I’m finding that the more I experience, the more cultural confusion I enter.

Since joining staff and committing to be in South Africa for at least 2 years, I’ve realized that if I’m not intentionally and continuously aware of what’s happening around me, I could drown in this ocean of cultures.

Being intentional.

I want to look for the good in each culture and celebrate it. I want to experience another facet of Christ’s uncontainable character amongst every person and every people group.

I don’t want to get washed away by a tidal wave of norms and expectations.

I want to learn, to see, to hear, and to choose to live out of a Kingdom culture anyway. Sometimes I feel undeservedly privileged to live amongst such diversity and getting to glean more Kingdom experiences by living alongside other cultures. But, honestly, most of the time, I’m overwhelmed and just feel out of place wherever I am.

I think that’s ok. Because I don’t think I’m supposed to “fit in” anywhere on earth. But, dang, it can get uncomfortable. Even lonely in the times when I’m desperate to feel like I “fit” somewhere.

God’s been teaching me that there’s a “new” kind of comfortable. It’s being comfortable in my Home in Him rather than trying to get comfy on the couch of whatever culture I’m living in.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort… For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3,5

That kind of comfortable is WAY better… it’s the eternal kind that never disappoints. But, truthfully, I’m struggling to rest in that.

Please pray with me that I keep working for, that I choose daily and that I will believe all the way through me that my Home is the Kingdom and that’s the culture I belong in. It doesn’t matter what language I speak or what my love language is there; I just belong.

It’s almost hard for me to write this part because of how uncomfortable it is, but I hope you experience that “misfit” longing for something beyond the culture around you, too. I hope that longing leads to a new wave and passion of intentionality in your life. I hope your insides start crying out for eternity and that we can strengthen and encourage each other for the culture where we all belong, where we are all perfectly loved, and where the social norms don’t necessarily align with any culture on earth, but relationships develop to depths we’ve never known before.

“Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile, we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5:1-4