Naps and News

I’ve held sleeping babies all day today.


Every time I go to Mbonisweni, one of the communities Ten Thousand Homes works in, I walk straight to my family’s house- the family I stayed with for 5 days in March during our community stay. After lots of greetings, hugs, kisses, and usually GoGo (grandma) giving me some fruit, I typically help the youngest boys, Tepiso and Lifa get dressed and take them to church with me. The rest of the family comes when they are finished with chores.

Nothing makes me happier than walking down that dirt road with Tepiso on one side and Lifa on the other. (If you haven’t heard, I am completely in love with 2-year old Lifa. He lives at Tepiso’s house because he doesn’t have parents to care for him. And I’m pretty sure that once Tepiso’s cousin told me in Swati that I could keep Lifa.)

Today, I held baby Fiona while Tepiso’s mom took a shower, and as soon as she was in my arms, she was asleep. Later, at church, as soon as I sat down with Lifa on my lap he was sleeping, and when I looked at Tepiso sitting next to me, his little head was bobbing up and down until he finally laid on what lap I had left.

I listened to the other children sing while I watched Lifa sleep, and thought about how amazing it is that these kids long so much for safe and loving arms to rest in.

Isn’t that what we all want?

When we’re little, we often deflect naps with every trick in the book. We sing and dance and fight with all the fight we’ve got to keep our eyes open. (If only we knew then how precious naps are as grown-ups!) We don’t want to miss a moment, and we certainly don’t want to lose the feeling of having control in a situation. We don’t admit to needing a nap and think we can handle it all by ourselves. Sometimes we refuse to surrender until a warm embrace swoops us up and we can’t resist giving in to that love that is so much bigger than us.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been fighting rest. I’ve sang and danced and entertained thoughts of exciting new ministry programs, life plans and adventures. I’ve fought against hearing God say what I thought He was going to say. You could even call it a full-blown temper tantrum which then led immediately to denial.

But as I watched Lifa today, I realized that this is how it’s supposed to be. Whenever Lifa sees me, he looks at me, longing for me to call to him and then crawls right into my lap and settles in to rest in the safety of loving arms. It doesn’t matter what’s going on around him, who’s there, or how long he’s been there. And he knows I’ll wake him up in time to get his meal.

It’s time for me to sit and get comfortable in God’s safe and loving arms. Time to do what He’s calling me to do rather than try to keep myself awake and in control.

I’ve decided to join staff at Ten Thousand Homes in South Africa. I’m not sure how long I will be here for, but I’m making this “home” now.

In the past weeks, God has reminded me of the vision He cast in me years ago, the passions He gave me and the ways He created me. (Another blog, another time.) He has shown me that I’ve been obedient in following Him, but I’ve become more comfortable in the song and dance part than the actual serving Him part.

It’s time to not be “on a mission trip” anymore, and it’s time to live as His obedient child- living life the way He’s taught me to amidst the orphan crisis. It’s making the Kingdom my culture wherever I am. And, right now, I am here.
I want to live with trust in the love that’s too big for me to see. I want to live with an open heart and a full lap.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” -2Cor 4:18

I have no idea what this looks like yet or how to live it out, but I know it’s right. I am asking for your prayers though that I keep resting in Him and not struggle to keep control. I’m trying to adjust to living in a new culture, doing a new kind of work, and living a new lifestyle. I didn’t plan to come to Africa in January and not MOVE back to the States. On some days, I’m completely freaked out and lonely. On others, I can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing. As of now, I plan on settling in here until November and then coming to the States for a holiday/fundraising trip.

Also, please pray for me in the details. I will be seeking monthly support now, applying for a visa, and nesting on the opposite side of the world from all my family and friends. I don’t know how to do any of this stuff. (And I welcome your suggestions.)

I plan on blogging through this process because, like I’ve said over and over and over again, you are such an important part of what Home is to me. In my relationship with you, I feel valuable and loved and like I belong. You are a part of how I experienced the very love that compels me to be here. It’s important for me to stay connected to you. Please keep in touch and keep sharing your life stories with me.

And, you are always welcome to visit my new place. ;)

The Processing Process

I've spent the last weeks remembering, processing and celebrating our outreach to Zambia and Johanessburg, South Africa. I want to share a glimpse of my experience with you and invite you to stay tuned for an update about what's next soon!

I'm Probably Gonna Talk About Home and Jesus and stuff.

I miss you! I miss you! I miss you! No matter who’s reading this, it’s probably true.


It’s been a very different week of goodbyes and readjustments. Last Saturday night the ZamFam – our DTS class – graduated.

We were given one last project as a class – to come up with a theme and decorate for our graduation. We all knew instantly that our ZamFam was all about Home and Family. In some way, we’d all been on a journey as individuals and as a group to understand our place at Home, the Kingdom of God, and how to live in a family, or community, with each other.

We collected couches from around base, built fires in the fire pit, made coffee, framed family photos, and hung up curtains. We made home out of our physical reminders of home while we made dorky I-Miss-You videos for our Beautiful Princess, Bekah and danced to Michael Jackson.

We danced and giggled for one last night together before facing the reality the next day of saying goodbye to our family, those who stood beside us and prayed with us as we walked toward and began to embrace our identities in Christ.

This goodbye felt different, though. This was a goodbye to family scattering all over the world, knowing it is very unlikely we’ll ever all be together again and that we were all about to face our own battles of sticking with what we learned outside the bubble.

There were tears, so many tears, because theses are some GOOD people I was saying goodbye to, but deep down inside I felt God’s presence in a new way.

After we lost our house in Alvin almost five years ago, I struggled and struggled to feel at-home somewhere. I just couldn’t figure out where I belonged. Eventually, I started to understand that Home is the Kingdom of God. We all have a place to belong there; we all have received full inheritance as sons and daughters of the Living King.

Did you read that – FULL inheritance!?! That’s the real deal. Even though we are sinners, we don’t get treated like the step-child. Even when we run away and do that prodigal son thing, our Daddy throws dignity out the window, hikes up his robe and comes running, shouting “Welcome Home!!” and planning the party of the year.

“Give thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the Kingdom of light.” –Colossians 1:12

And our God is a relational God – He even exists in relationship as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. So I began to understand Home in relationship with others. And I realized in Zambia that, for a girl whose felt homeless for the last 5 years, I’ve had more Home than most people ever know. Complete welcome, unconditional love and belonging. My family. The Dam Fam. The ZamFam. The Chang Ladies. Lily and Eve. Bay Area Community Church. Christian Assembly. 8:59. Phi Lamb. Ten Boomers.

Over and over and over God has been teaching me about Home, and that He will always be Home for me.

That’s when everything changed. I realized that the relationships – all you wonderful people (Sorry if I didn’t mention you. It’s just a sampler.) – are pictures of the way God loves. As close as we can get here on earth to knowing what the REAL Home is like.

But the part I hadn’t quite grasped yet, and the reason that everything felt different when I said goodbye to my ZamFam last week, was that GOD IS HOME.

“Jesus replied, ‘If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.” –John 14:23

Home isn’t the ZamFam. Home isn’t the big red couch or even all the talks on it. Those are reminders and the physical manifestations of my real Home. And I am so, so, so thankful for the pieces of Home on earth we are given – and for the ways you’ve been Home to me.

This week I’ve been praying for this next ZamFamless chapter. It’s the first time I’ve really started into a chapter of life with no parameters. There’s no program, no time frame, no schedule. And it’s so much scarier to me than jumping into some wild and crazy adventure that I know nothing about for a defined chunk of time. Please pray with me that I hear God’s voice, trust Him more than I ever have, submit all the parts of me that are fighting against it right now, and obey with complete and humble surrender. Pray with me to expect His glory and His voice to show up everyday.

Been having technical difficulties (you can pray for my computer too!) and minimal internet connection, but hoping to get some more pics up from DTS next week. Hope to talk with you soon!