Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Grammatic Temper Tantrums

It's been 3 weeks of bliss. 
When Lifa's home, it feels like all of God's people, promises and places are in line. 
A preview of heaven - with just a few timeouts and temper tantrums.

It feels like the broken parts of injustice and hopelessness I stumble through daily get eclipsed by Hope, by Home, by Family when he gets to come home to his own bed in our house.

Everyday activities take at least 12 times longer. And are at least 12 times better.

It's easy to be full and thankful when he's here. It's easy to believe God's promises when they are playing the thankful game in the car, calling me Mama, and glowing with the most beautiful Radiance.

Last night, Tuesday night, just before 9, I received message that said Lifa has to be taken back to his dad's on Friday. I had no idea how long he would be able to stay this time. I was so distracted by how full and complete I felt that it really caught me off guard. 

I'm thankful Lifa's a hard sleeper.

I fell apart.
The big, messy, sobbing, heaving, suddenly-I-remember-that-it's-not-always-like-this kind of cry.
A seemingly justified "3 days from now, it's back to being just me here and not knowing where he is or if he's safe" meltdown.
Until my sweatshirt held every tear I thought I was capable of producing. 

And then I got angry.

And started shouting and shaking into my pillows.

I yelled and pleaded and wept bitterly. Begging over and over again for God to finish it.

His Kingdom came to earth. 
Manger style. 
He ascended so the Kingdom could stay.

His Kingdom is coming to earth. 
All the way.

There won't be any broken parts.
There won't be any surprise messages.
There won't be any tears.
There won't be any orphans, hunger, or death.

We'll feast with the King.
We'll be with the Complete Family.
We'll be one. We'll be whole. 
We'll be worshiping and singing and dancing.

I just want it finished already.

I want to slice off that -ing and do away with the present progressive tense forever.
I'm tired of the Kingdom Coming
I just want it all the way here.

It is finished. And it is being finished.
I just want it finished.

Every child safe at Home. All the time.
Every lost person Found. Forever.

I know God does too.

And I don't know if it will happen today.

But after I finally ran out of words and tears last night, he reminded me of a picture I had taken this week. 

Lifa helping John Shaw and Eric McMillian as we build Neli's house together.

Everyone coming together, bringing the piece of the Kingdom that dwells in them to a place it hasn't been built yet.

One brick at a time.
One shovel at a time.

One plot of land that's never seen a shade of help being made vibrant. 
From grayscale to full-color. 
From hopeless to hope.

Mixing colors to make Neli's house a beautiful home. 
Neli's house isn't finished. 
It is being finished.

The whole family got in on the painting!

All the promises aren't fulfilled yet.
They are being fulfilled.
One moment, one thank-you, one shovel, one smile, and three weeks at a time.

Letu, the littlest one at Neli's house getting all dolled up.

I can't breathe when I just sit and wait for the present progressive tense to turn into past tense.
So I might as well add a brick to that heavenly city today.

I can't function by just waiting it out through the in-betweens of the little hash marks that show how much Lifa's grown since he was home last. 

So I might as well fill that space with worship and obedience even on the days when I can't see him growing. 

So I will enjoy two more days of dance parties, making bubbles in the bathtub, and basking in the English-speaking, giggle-overflowing proof that the Kingdom has come. 

And hold on to it tight.
And keep building it, speaking it and dancing in it when my favorite dance partner isn't here.

The neighbors, our faithful cheering section who always join us for tea time.

Pray with us. 
Make it come.
Help Him finish it. 




  1. Oh are so much my so many ways.

  2. My thought exactly... Oh, Kacy... I do pray in Jesus name His Kingdom come! My heart breaks and smiles for you at the same time. I see Abba Father holding you and Lifa saying I'm here... I have a purpose... It is good... I promise. You are the Kingdom, and you have His heart, that is why it still aches when you see the injustice. You are beatiful Kacy. I love you girl.

  3. You and Lifa have the same smile!!