Saturday, August 10, 2013

Shadow-Light


I’m floored by family.

Not just the capitalized, Family of God kind of family… but the lowercase, people-who-are-placed-together family too.

I’ve got a mom and a sister who can set up shop from a hospital bed, laugh out loud and send perfect love from right there underneath the bandages and fluorescent lighting.
I’ve got cousins who care enough to invite me into their daily lives, even though I miss so many days with them.
I’ve got not-so-distant relatives who will fly around the world to close the space and lavish me the most precious gift: the good mornings, the goodnights, and just being here with me.
I’ve got a grafted-together family with a mama and a little girl named Lily, whose been selling lemonade and saving for a year to come here just so we could be together again.

The last couple of weeks have been incredible – and the fun’s not over yet!

But in all of this glorious love-lavishing, I’m having trouble hearing from my Glory-source.

This blog is called Known.
I have a thing with being seen and being known.
I think we all do.

The people around me are lighting up my life.
They are highlighting the goodness I get to be a part of.
Somehow, I’ve stumble into the spotlight with the sweet little ones I’m here to serve.

I think, somewhere amidst making the Father known, I started making myself known.
I’m afraid that while I tried to show “the least of these” how worthy they are in His hand, I started measuring my own worth on some self-made, earthbound, other-approved measuring stick.

And now I find myself in this swirling confusion. I’m actually asking my God, “If the way I’m living doesn’t deserve to be seen, to be spotlighted… do I actually deserve to be here? To be a part of this? To be counted as worthy to be Yours?”

That is not who my Father is. Or what my Family is.

But the spotlight strains and smudges my eyes and heart.
It gives off false heat, and it makes it impossible to see what’s really happening around you.
It doesn’t look at all like the Kingdom of God… where the meek and the broken are pulled out of the nosebleed seats to be wrapped into the Mercy Seat… where the light shines from the inside out.

So to all of you who read and pray and watch with me… to all of you who know me… I thank you for loving me like family.

This week, in the presence of you and all of those around me, I’m taking it back to the Father and letting Him be the light of my life.
I’m remembering that abundant life… Everlasting Light is found in the shadow of the cross.

Honestly, I don’t know how to live any differently. I don’t have a step-by-step plan to change my actions or perspective. I don’t know where I took a wrong turn. I don’t know how to make my life look more like His Kingdom, how to live for His Family.

But I do know that where HE is, no spotlight is necessary. And Life abounds.

“The sun will no more be your light by day,
nor will the brightness of the moon shine on you,
for the Lord will be your everlasting light,
and your God will be your glory.”
Isa 60:19

This week I’ll call upon my Father, and ask for eyes that see by everlasting light rather than manmade light.
This week, I’m going to look and pursue Glory-light.
I’m going to tell the stories from the shadow.

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