Changing Languages and Paintbrushes

I always thought it was strange that there’s “American Sign Language”.

It’s sign language for crying out loud – or for dramatically, silently gesturing!!

In my “new normal”, it’s common to be in a room full of people with fragrant phonetics and consonants jumbled with vowels flying from an arsenal of languages, and me picking out what meaning I can and not even worrying about the rest.

Can’t sign language at least be universal?

I always say that, as the classic English-only speaking American, I can at least speak non-verbals. (Remember that time I used to be a Marriage and Family Therapist?)

We’ve all heard the statistics that our non-verbal communication is so much louder than our words. I can’t help but glean meaning out of gestures, tones and facial expression.

Last Monday, the day we went on yet another 4-hour road trip, to pick up Lifa for a visit (PRAISE THE LORD), I realized that I speak American non-verbals. And English.

And that’s all.

I spent the day sitting in worn furniture with chickens and children coming in and out. There were women gesturing wildly, Lifa’s father smiling, relaxing and chattering away, and Lifa sleeping soundly on my lap. My ears were filled with SiSwati and my heart was so full of emotional apprehension, I wasn’t sure if it was going to keep beating.

I couldn’t even try to keep pace with the conversation. Everything was completely in my SiSwati-speaking pastor’s hands. I trust him completely. So I just figured I would dust off that fancy-pants counseling education and interpret the non-verbal part of the conversation.

Big mistake.

Facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures in the Swazi culture don’t exactly translate into American non-verbal. By the end of the day, I was shaking with nerves and exhausted from the soap opera playing in my mind. I was SURE that the seemingly stony-faces of the women I had encountered meant they didn’t trust me and I wasn’t especially welcomed as the white girl gliding away with their baby in a Mazda. And then confused about why an auntie was clinging onto my hand during a prayer and thanking me over and over again.

I felt unraveled. All day.

Unraveled about being completely vulnerable and feeling out-of-control while walking in the unknown.

Unraveled about me finally saying, “Ok God… I’m in this all the way.”

And then right there in that living room, in the middle of “all the way”, He says, “Ok. But it’s not going to look like the color-by-number picture you’re trying to fill in. I am creating a work of art with colors you’ve never even seen before.”

What I did know right then and there was that God is working a story of welcome and belonging in that family.

And that I felt a warm rush of Truth over me – my adoption is Christ is complete. And His family is bigger and better than circumstances and stories.

That Lifa’s father ran up to our car with the same sparkle in his eye that Lifa had before I left for the States – the one that means he feels completely loved and safe in that love.

And that Something was moving amongst a patchwork, broken family. Prayers - your prayers -  are being responded to.

So now I’ll give you as much as I can of the translated version. Thanks for hanging in!

A family story unfolded as the day progressed.

Lifa’s father shared his story of abandonment. His dad left before he was born and his mother left before he could get a birth certificate. He’s never had identity documents – a huge symbol of belonging, identity and worth withheld by brokenness, injustice and neglect. He says he knows what it’s like to grow up without a father – with eyes full of love for Lifa. He shared some of his deepest sorrows and invited us in to his family by a large gesture of trust. I have to protect the details, but I am asking you to be intimately involved by praying with us for God’s favor as we respond to Lifa’s father responding to us. 

He’s living in a house with a woman he’s in a relationship with and her family. The woman wasn’t there, but the gogo of the house spoke about being passionately moved by God’s love. She couldn’t believe that we would travel such a long way for such a little boy. It goes against everything in the culture. Even my pastor’s extended family couldn’t get it. It’s like the disciples telling the children to leave Jesus alone. (Matt 19:13-15)

The gogo drank up the love we have for God and for Lifa. She was so moved that Lifa instantly fell asleep on me. She thanked us and begged us to come back.

Then we drove FAR… almost right up to the Swaziland border, which looked even more like an enchanted forest than it sounds like. We were going to meet the father’s sister.

And more story unfolded as old family photo albums were passed around, cold drink was served, and Lifa’s father brought out the one personal possession he had packed – the Kacy And Lifa book I had given him on our first visit.

Lifa’s father has been the estranged, prodigal son. It seems like he disappeared from his family around the time Lifa’s mother abandoned them, when Lifa was only 7 months. His sister did not even have his phone number and hasn’t seen them since Lifa was a baby. There are other siblings who haven’t even met Lifa. And a gogo who hasn’t seen him in years.

Lifa’s father called his sister for the first time after we visited him earlier in the month.

Family responded to family. And he decided it was worth it.

He saw the power of love for even the smallest, most helpless child. And thought there might be a chance.

He was afraid to face his family alone.

What I thought was an over-protective auntie asking for mine and John’s numbers to check up on us was actually an overwhelmed sister trying to reign in her emotions over her family finally coming back together. And asking for our numbers to stay connected, to repeatedly thank us for bringing her family back together, and to make sure she always had a way to find her brother in case he ever disappeared again.

On the way home, once I got the full story, I managed to re-hinge my jaw long enough to join in Pastor’s giddy praises and let God keep talking...

Lifa’s gogo and 3 of Lifa’s father’s siblings live in a community less than an hour away. Instead of making the 4-hour drive when it’s time to drop Lifa off in a couple of weeks, we are appealing to God’s adoption and restoration plan. The Father who’s watching eagerly and preparing a party for his estranged son’s return is scheming beautifully.

We’ve asked Lifa’s father and sister to take public transport to come this way and meet us at the gogo’s. We’ll pick up the siblings and end my first visit with Lifa with the biggest, most beautiful family reunion ever. Fattened calf. Gold signet ring. Nicest robe. Bring it all, Jesus! (Check out the story of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15)

The father and sister have agreed! Pray with us for the transport, timing, and planning to work out. As well as for the preparation of mine, Lifa’s and the family’s hearts.

Pray for Lifa. I can see months and years of abrupt transition and insecurity taking a toll on him. He’s having trouble controlling his emotions and trying to control anything else he can. He’s screaming and crying in his sleep. And he’s completely overwhelmed by constant change. Pray for healing in the very depths of his tiny body and beautiful heart. God is moving profoundly around this child – bringing family together through the love of one little boy.

His sparkle of resting in secure love isn’t completely back yet, but it is undeniable that he gets happier by the day. In fact, he’s feeling so secure now that we’ve progressed to temper tantrums! I tell myself every time I get drenched in tears and snot that it’s a good thing for the boy who was formerly afraid to disobey or even make a sound. He’s singing, dancing, learning English and playing like he owns the place. Everything just seems better with him home.

We’re teaching each other family and creating our own langauge.

It’s not about American non-verbals, SiSwati words, or any version of sign language. Leaving it up to my own interpretation just isn’t working anymore.

God is calling me to speak a language painted in colors of grace I’ve never seen.

 It’s time to let go of the color-by-number surrender plan I’ve been subscribing to and watch the Artist of Family, Adoption and Redemption create the Greatest Masterpiece I can’t even begin to fathom.

It’s scary… but I’m in.

Promise to post pictures and (much shorter) updates this week. Pray for me to get a working modem again so I can have internet access readily available!

Thank you for being a part of His Masterpiece in my little corner of the story.

He's here! He's here!

Lifa’s here!!!

I’m THRILLED to announce that Lifa will be staying with us at Ten Thousand Homes for the next three weeks. We’ll use every minute possible for playing, hugging, kissing and loving full-on.

It hasn’t even been 24 hours, and I’m watching hope and home flood his perfect little features and fill his laugh. He’s still shocked in a lot of ways. His entire 3 years has been spent moving around and never knowing if the next move is safe.

Pray for him to understand this is a safe place where he is loved fully in a way that will never change. Pray for his and his family’s story of restoration to continue growing and thriving. Pray for us and his family here.

I am out of internet and will have to go in search of some airtime to post today… and am totally distracted by a certain little somebody. The details of yesterday… and trust me, there are some amazing details you need to hear… will have to wait.

If I have anything to share about yesterday’s Lifa Day, it is that God’s plan in this is so so so much bigger than I could try to put into words. Pray for my complete surrender to grace and sovereignty, and for even MORE love.

Right now, I’m listening to Lifa sing in SiSwati at the top of his lungs on a see-saw with a Portugese-speaking boy. Laughs are abounding. Squeals of delight are escaping. And I am a happy, happy girl.

I love you. Thank you for praying. 

He's really here!

Just having a little apple snack and cottage time.

And playing mirror games, of course.

Look at this perfect little face.

And we're ready for bed.

A perfect morning... playing with his new toy from Mama Waters!

 Playing on the mat GoGo gave me by the light of the heater. Like our own little fireplace.

Playing in the yard with Lindsey and Ethan!

Trampoline fun with Joshua. Awesome to watch 2 boys who speak different languages giggle so much together. 

Lifa Update!

This guy should have his own blog! He's certainly worth more daunting, delighting and perfect love than I could ever manage to put into words. (I'd rather spend all my time holding him, hugging him, kissing him and playing with him than writing about him anyway.)

That's the Good News!!

MONDAY IS LIFA DAY!!!!

(waiting for the chair-bouncing, giggling and squealing to subside... Oh wait, was that just me?)

Here are the details. I want you to know them because we need your persevering prayers in every single step.

Prayer Point 1: Travel
Monday is a South African holiday, so it's a long weekend and my pastor will just be coming home that morning at 9am from a weekend wedding. Pastor Sthembiso is our SiSwati-speaking, culturally savvy, pastoral connection to Lifa's father - he's walking with me through this and the guy who knows how to get to where we're going.
- Pray that Pastor will actually make it back from the wedding at 9am real time Monday morning rather than "Africa time"... which would probably be after 3pm. 
- Pray for safety, divine conversation and God's presence during our 8+ hours in the car. And PRAISE GOD providing me with a safe, reliable car and for John Shaw for offering to drive us in it!

Prayer Point 2: Family
When we arrive to the community of Bethal, we will pick up Lifa (!!!!!) and his father and take them to meet the father's sister. This could be an incredible beginning of God starting a movement and opening up paths in our story. I'm so nervous though!
- Pray for my peace and that I cling to what God's promised rather than my own fears and insecurities.
- Pray that Lifa's auntie has an overwhelming experience of the love of God and the creative ways He provides families through our interaction. Pray that she feels loved, known and included in a part of a beautiful plan. 

Prayer Point 3: Time
Lifa's father said that we can discuss how long Lifa will stay once we get there. Again... nervous and almost afraid of this conversation. BUT, super-heroes John Shaw and Pastor Sthembiso are on our team. Just the kind of men we want in our family! They intend on setting a minimum of a 2-week stay because of the distance and time it takes in transport alone. I don't know what the father has in mind. I don't know if the sister is planning on weighing in on this decision. I don't know how they feel about any of this. AND my friends, Mona, Lindsay and Anda are coming in 2 1/2 weeks and I really, really, really, reallllly want them to meet Lifa.
- Pray for the conversation about how long Lifa can be at home. Pray for my pastor's words to be written and communicated by the Spirit of God rather than our own plans and desires.
- Pray for Lifa's father to feel like he and his sister have a voice, they are being respected, and they are being taken care of. 
- Pray for God's just-right timing and that Lifa is home long enough to get his sparkly back, to experience home and to know he is loved and belongs in our family. Pray for all of our peace on the timing of his stay - and that we would all be surprised with the outcome and God's sweet sovereignty flowing through it. 

Did I mention I'm nervous?

Nervous yet unspeakably grateful for the role you are playing. Your prayers. Your love. And the Truth you speak into me and for me.

Please keep interceding for Lifa, myself and Lifa's biological family. Keep praying for this family movement that God is directing like the most beautiful symphony. 

I can't wait to send you updates!
Thank you!

"Take my picture! I'm a princess!"

Zoe is a 3-year old who lives on base at Ten Thousand Homes with her parents, Zach and Anneke, and her sisters Arielle (4) and Charlotte (1). I LOVE visits with Zoe and her sisters, where princess dancing and putting on “lip stick” (chap stick… preferably “red” cherry) is always appropriate.

Zoe is at jussst the right age – Lifa-sized, extra-cuddly and the perfect little voice that I secretly wish she’d never grow out of. (Remember when YOU were 3, Lily???)

Lately, whenever Zoe sees me, she gets the biggest and most beautiful excited smile on her face and starts revving up those little legs for a long and dramatic run and leap into my arms. Patrick Swayze and Baby got nothin’ on us! Sometimes we even have to do it over and over again.

When this little princess showed up at my door on Easter morning with a little knock and big plans, I couldn’t help but think of the way God loves His children.

“You must take a picture of me Taaaccyyy. I’m a princess.”

She came over to be delighted in and daunted over. No problem here! So of course, I made her twirl as I took photos and told her how beautiful she is.

The running and jumping. The uncontrollable giggles that spring out at first sight of me… because of the running and jumping immediately following. The knock-knock-knock just to be seen and celebrated.

Children really do get it… Which, by the way, is not an original idea at all.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matt 19:14)

I try to earn my way. I try to set my place at the Kingdom-sized dinner table.

And then I think of Zoe.

And Lifa.

I found out yesterday we are having some trouble finding a day for us to make the 4-hour drive to pick up Lifa to come home for a visit for a while. Just a calendar blip, not a shut-down or change of heart by anyone in anyway. But devastated is an understatement for how I felt... or feel, and it didn’t take long for the life and energy to run out of me and make the Easter party-pooper.

But, as I was snuggling up on some adopted Ethiopian 3- and 4-year olds (unashamed that I was using their hugs and storybooks as personal therapy), I kept thinking about how I love Lifa and how unquestionably loved these once-abandoned Ethiopian children felt as they showed off their Easter goodies and demanded all of our attention.

Lifa doesn’t ever have to do anything for me to love him as much as I love him. Every bump in the road on our story – and no matter how our story plays out – only surprises me at how much I can love him and that I can actually love him more and more every day.

He could never earn this kind of love.

He couldn’t do anything to make me love him more or less.

And although he is tiny, helpless and doesn’t necessarily “contribute” anything to the family…

He is a most precious and dearly loved part of my family and the Family of God.

No expectations. No requirements.

That’s the story of the Family of God. My place and yours. Already set. Already paid for. It only takes a knock-knock-knock, and let the twirling begin!

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” Luke 11:9-10

Easter is just one day to remember an every day promise. The promise of our adoption into the perfect Family. The Family that loves without condition, that welcomes you with outstretched arms for that classically undignified run-and-jump routine, and that only loves you more and more each day no matter where you are or what you do.

I spent the afternoon with my family in Mbonisweni. I pulled up in a little blue Mazda full of treats, cupcakes to be decorated, nail polish, a camera charged for a photo shoot, and an art project. (What’s a party without a craft? Oh man… Africa has changed me.) As we each colored a family member, I explained what Easter was all about.

“You love me so perfectly and welcome me into your family. That’s what Easter is. Jesus didn’t die on a cross just so we could be free of sin. He chose to make us pure so that we could be adopted fully into His Family – with no cost to us. Easter is a family holiday. An adoption celebration.”

Today I’m celebrating my place in the Family, and the place of all of His children. I’m praying to have arms open to catch every run and jump I can, and to run full-force, leap without regard, and to twirl around singing, “Take my picture! I’m a princess!”

Vanna, I'd Like to Buy a Mazda

Today was finally the day…

There was bouncing, squealing, happy dancing and a long, long, long outburst of worship, gratitude and honor on a coffee date with Jesus.

Today…

For the first time ever…

On the opposite side of the road…

With a manual transmission…

I bought my very own car!

Paid in full by the loving and generous donations of my Family in the Body of Christ.

LOOK!

Look at her in all her shining blue beauty! Now accepting suggestions for her name! 

My brothers Stan and Lennon spent Friday clearing out grass and making my very own parking space close to my cottage. So awesome.

Today changed everything. I was speechless (besides all the squealing) until finally, these words came out.

Lord,

I commend this car to You.

A gift from You to glorify You.

Let it be a vehicle of connecting intimately.

Let those four wheels and that beautiful, shiny blue body chauffeur love into families and relationships.

Make this place – South Africa – feel like home… not in the comfortable, modern-day conveniences way… But in a way that reflects the family heart of the Trinity.
Let this gift give me a freedom to- perspective rather than a freedom from- outlook. It’s not just about being free from being the girl always looking for a ride to the grocery or water store, or from being “trapped” on a base out of walking distance to anything except, well, more trees.

It’s about freedom to encourage, visit, host, respond, prepare, give.

Lord, I commend this car to Your glory.

Let it be a car filled with joy, family, dance and worship.

I feel delighted that you care about my details, my daily needs, and even went above and beyond “needs” to provide comfort and luxury.

Today, I’m fascinated, delighted and overwhelmed by the set of keys and a more permanent feeling of living here, but today my praises are not for treasures on this earth.

Every time I sit in that car, let me give thanks for Your intimate provision. An act of grace. A daddy delighting in His daughter with a beautiful gift – a gift hand-delivered by the Holy Spirit working through the Body of Christ.

Freely you have given this car to me, Lord, and freely I give it back to You to be used for Your glory… and so, so, so many dance parties.

Aaaaaamen!

Thank you for celebrating with me!

Now please... if you have a car... next time you get in it, do a little happy dance with me and praise God for the ways He knows you and for the things He's given you so freely.

It Does A Body Good

With a title like that you can only be thinking of two things...

MILK and DANCING!?!

Right?

Almost a week since I saw Lifa, and the deliriously happy grin has been wiped off my face and replaced with a seemingly bottomless longing to be close to family - to him, to my mom, my sister, my NaNa, my cousins... everyone. My cottage has felt so much more empty in the past week as I wait "patiently" for God in a million different areas. I've been praying and praying, trying to live in the Truth that it's only and completely about holiness. It's about basking in His presence above and beyond any list of prayer requests and even more than how much I love Lifa...  And that's a lot! 

I've felt myself turn inward and wrestle with, and sometimes even wallow in loneliness. A crazy aftershock after the showering of love and family last Friday.

SO, I walked into a perfect surprise at Dwaleni today. There was a special TB awareness event at the clinic, so the feeding changed venues so the children and workers could be at the event. After a long day of sitting quietly in school, the students were expected to sit quietly and listen to talk about TB. So every 15 minutes or so, when they just got too antsy, the DJ (Why wouldn't there be a DJ?) would play a 15 second dance party.

It was perfect. And these kids can dance.

And then when it was feeding time, the kids got a great surprise - fresh milk! A rare and delicious treat some savored and stared at, while others gulped down right away.

And as those bones were fortified with the good stuff, the dance party really took off!

Just what the doctor ordered...

Milk Moustaches and Dance Parties.

It REALLY does do a body... and a heart... good. 

Believing in What's Bigger and Better

We prayed. We fasted. We came together in the name of family.

We believed BIG things for the Kingdom of God, for Lifa and for me.

The “WE” part made everything better. The “WE” praying from opposite ends of world, sending us off in prayer from base, and in a truck with me for 8 hours today. WE interceded and asked for more from God than we could expect or understand.

Well…

You know how HE is…

BIGGER AND BETTER than that!

I was floored, delighted and overwhelmed by His presence and provision on the 4-hour car ride to meet Lifa’s father.
I was beside myself when we picked him up from work… he looks like Lifa. I could almost feel Lifa by being in such close proximity to his lineage. This was a big deal! I was trembling. I wanted to stare. To touch him. To hug him. Instead, to be culturally appropriate, I avoided eye contact and made “I’m-About-To-Explode!!!” faces to my friend Mzwandile on my other side.

Ready for the bigger and better part!?!

ARE YOU!?!

LIFA WAS THERE!!!!!

I had put every ounce of effort I had in me assuring myself that today was not the day I would see Lifa. His father said that he was staying at a granny’s house far from him, so we were just going to meet and start relationship with the dad.

HE WAS THERE!

I ran! I bawled. Right there in the middle of the crowd.
Lifa was calm, quiet, shell-shocked. After four months of transitions and four months of not being oogled over and kissed at every waking moment, he’s not as expressive or “sparkly-eyed” as he was before I left for the States in December.

His come-back won’t take long though!

I couldn’t control the tears or the love that came pouring out of me. Everyone in the room felt it. Especially Lifa, who clung to me speechlessly, and his father, who kept a delighted eye on us – noticing the way Lifa looked at me.

I shared my Lifa books – and the father had to cover his face to hide his own emotions. As I shared gifts, clothes, food and hugs, Pastor Sthembiso shared my heart for Lifa to Lifa’s father in SiSwati.

You prayed it into existence. Lifa’s father, Jobulani, felt so loved that we made the drive to see him and Lifa. He was overwhelmed by gratitude. He and Lifa have lived a swinging door lifestyle since Lifa was abandoned by his mother at 7 months, always moving in and out of new houses and new communities. The roots he could feel in our love meant something bigger to him. The roots spoke family. Your prayers were heard.

Today I hit every emotion on the charts… and was so very loved by the family all around me here as they allowed me to cry and hurt when I had to say goodbye and then celebrated with me when I was ready to cheer.

But even more important than my emotional Ricther Scale is the significance in today. 
Providence and promises came alive today. 
Your words brought to life by His Spirit. Thank you, family.



Lifa’s father is going to talk to his extended family for approval, and then we are praying that Lifa can come stay with me for a few days after Easter.

When Pastor shared my heart for Lifa, he told Lifa’s father that I was willing and would be honored to care for Lifa in my home.

We put it out there.

And we’ll pray.

We’ll pray that God keeps doing that Bigger and Better thing He’s so good at. And family love gets bigger and better for Jobulani, starting at the roots rather than the fruit. We’ll pray that Jobulani and I both see the most loving thing for Lifa and for himself and can take an obedient role in God’s Bigger and Better plans.

I touched him. I kissed him. I loved on him. I had a lap full of him. TODAY.
It’s surreal. It’s bigger and better than anything I could have imagined.


I believe in the Bigger and Better, and can’t wait to see what’s next!