Meant to be. My Family Part I

I was just a normal girl.

Doing a normal DTS. (Discipleship Training School)

A normal 6 month-trip to Africa - a dip into missions, into Africa, into orphans, into learning and living the compassion of Christ.

Normal. Right?

Part of my DTS at Ten Thousand Homes was a community stay. This past March, I stayed with another DTS student, Lyn, in the home of a family I'd never met before in Mbonisweni for 5 nights.

I had no idea what was going on the whole time I was there. Lyn was from nearby and spoke the local language, grew up in a similar culture, and instantly felt at home.

I sat on the worn couch with little Lifa on my lap... kissing him constantly... listening to the conversations in SiSwati, the multi-

lingual soapies on TV and the loud music blaring on the radio. All at the same time.

I said things like, "Lyn, who actually lives here? Who's related to who?" She usually didn't bother answering those questions - they just seemed irrelevant.

Or sometimes I said things like, "Lyn, how do I pee HERE?"

Or "You eat the toenails AND the bones?"

Or "What part of the cow is this?"

My GoGo loved me instantly. It wasn’t a matter of figuring out who I was, but I was home, so I belonged. And that was that.

GoGo and Baby Fiona

Twenty-year old Zodwa and her sister Prudence were young women just like all the rest. They loved loud music, soapies, spending time together, and talking about boys and lipstick.

Post dance-party with Zodwa and Baby Fiona

Their older sister, Sharon and her twin boys came over every night to watch Generations, the famous South African soapie. The twins, Samkelo and Bongani came after school every day. As the 12-year old men of the family of 9, they worked hard and loved even harder, with a pure and authentic joy. They spoke no English but we understood each other.

Sharon and the most amazing twin boys in the whole world. 

Zodwa has a sweet baby girl named Fiona and a 2 year-old son, Tsthepiso whose tiny-toothed smile makes you want to never let go of him. Tsthepiso’s live-in best buddy is Lifa, a 2 year-old taken in by GoGo after he was abandoned by his parents at a very young age.

Lifa is loved and welcomed into the family, but is obviously different than the biological relatives. He gets the dirty bath water after Tsthepiso, sleeps on the floor when there’s not space on a bed, and hardly gets touched. When you pick him up, he immediately falls asleep in the safety of your arms. It’s precious and absolutely heart-breaking.

Lifa and I had a special connection from the very beginning. Lyn told me to stop kissing him and babying him so much because he’d get spoiled. I didn’t care. If there’s a perfect baby boy not getting enough love, I was going to love him as much as possible. And I did.

You could tell Lifa had been abandoned- not by his appearance because he was well-fed, dressed and cared for. But by his demeanor. Silent. Downcast all the time. Completely shut down. Two year-olds are supposed to be full of energy and a little sassy. Tsthepiso had it down and felt safe enough to run into your arms, play, and make a lot of noise. Lifa was silent. The sad kind of silent where he did every single thing you told him to do with a terrified obedience. I didn’t want to think of any reasons that might be the root of is fear – I would never hear the story and couldn’t communicate with him in English anyway. So I just held him and kissed him and played with him as much as he would play.

By the end of the week, he was smiling, kissing back, blowing kisses and, although he would never ask for me to hold him, he would linger close enough for me to grab him into my lap at all times. I was in love and there was no turning back.

I didn’t know what was going on most of the time (which, by the way, is pretty much my new normal,) but I saw family. I saw that family is the same everywhere in the world.

Granted, in America or any other country you go to, family looks, feels, smells, sounds and tastes completely different from one door to the next. But the kind of family we’re created for, our needs for family and the way we yearn to do life in the context of family is the same everywhere.

I belonged there.

I didn’t know the details, the language or even who was related to who (it took months for me to get the who’s-who information I just wrote to you). But I was known as someone who belonged and who, despite differences, came in to do life with a family. I was known by touch and by kiss.

I was home.

I didn’t know it then, but being a part of this family would become my new normal. My new family. A new outlet for unending and unconditional love. New characters in my own story of the God of the family and the way he heals through families.

I think being known means something different to me now. And it has nothing to do with details, language or cultural this-and-thats.

Family means something different to me now too. And it has everything to do with being created to be known and to share life with people.

Our God exists in a family – three-in-one – Father, Son, Holy Spirit. He created woman out of the rib of man so he wouldn’t be alone. We are made for family. We are made to be known. We are made to do this together in the neighborhoods, communites and corners of the world called has called us to and also in a way that extends across and connects the nations.

The Kingdom of God is the Family of God. You already belong. There’s always a place for you at Home.

I’m so happy to introduce you to and tell you the story of my family in Monbisweni. And to celebrate YOU as my family… You’ve chosen to know me and do life with me by reading this blog alone. It matters to me so much. We were made for it to be like this. Thank you.