Posted from a puddle...

I’m a mess.


Warning: This one’s coming at you with no processing, no filter and through tear-soaked eyes.

I just said goodbye to TJ, Tyler, Kendall, Alyssa, Steven and Carly, the Bay Area Community Church short-term missions team. It was 10 days of God fulfilling promises, compassion flowing into every nook and cranny, hearts breaking for the least of these, and celebrating and being embraced by family.

There are so many memories. So many moments. And so much love I don’t even know how to take it all in. But, like I said, haven’t processed all of that yet, so right now there’s mostly tears and chocolate.

It felt like everything stopped as I watched the team roll out of our driveway – like everything should stop. But things kept going and I immediately had to switch focus to Lifa love at the Mbonisweni feeding and the Hodges house to eat Korean food with a visiting team tonight.

I don’t know what to say right now about what this past week and a half has been like, but I know it was more than I’ll ever know how to capture. It was God broadening my perspective until I was completely overwhelmed by the Body of Christ. It was remembering what it’s like to get a new and fresh glimpse of Jesus’ face. It was an incredibly powerful 10 days of my worlds colliding.

I didn’t even realized I felt like I was living in two realities.

Before and now.

Before I “pulled a Kacy” (coined by Kendall’s mom warning her not to get to Africa and decide to just stay) and now that I live in a new community, surrounded by new cultures.

For the first time, before met now.

Before experienced now. It made it real. It made me feel known. It made me feel loved. Their being here and choosing to take a couple of weeks away from comfort zones and taste a new reality changed my reality completely, writing something much more permanently in me than ever before: I’m not alone here.

In 10 days, He gave me a person. He gave me a restored sense of hope and home. He gave me more than I know what to do with right now.

My worlds colliding this past week and a half made the Body of Christ brighter and bolder. It changed something in me this week and something in them too, I think.

I like to end these things with something inspirational or profound. Got nothing but thankfulness and a gnawing to process a bit further to glean all the good stuff Jesus has for me after this.

Ok… one last thought. Then I promise I’ll try to spare you the details of the processing.

I’m sorry that, for many of you, I labeled you “before”. I realized this week that even by following this blog, you are the now. You are here with me, knowing me and loving me so well. Thank you for being in my now. I never realized how desperately I need you.